Stone Man Willie

When i was a kid my Dad, and maybe my Mom and I am sure Doc (my grandmom's boyfriend who drove a Corvair) always alluded to some guy named Stone Man Willie. He as rumored to be in the bottom of the Court House in the middle of Reading Pennsylvania.

The Expanding past: As stories sink into the past they simply get bigger and bigger.

Well when we were kids we were told a story about some guy who turned to Stone when the embalming process took a drastically wrong turn. This guy was rumored to be made of stone and he was housed somewhere in Reading Pennsylvania.

Well I was always a little intrigued and to be quite honest a little bit afraid to actually view this monster that no way in this world was going to ever exist. Also as I got older I realized my Dad told crazy stories that had very little truth to them and my Mom somehow believed them and passed them on to us.

Amongst other great big lies where.

• If you can see the back of the leaves it is going rain. (My Mom)


• Cows stand up when it is going to rain. (Grandfather Hoover)


• Apples give you Carly Marbles. (GrandMother Hoover)


• Swimming Lions will bite you when you go over a bridge. (I made that up and Zach passed it on)
  

Well I lived my entire life thinking Stone Man Willy was a fabrication of Dad's.

Well I hijacked this story from the internets...

STONE (MAN) WILLIE
Stone (Man) Willie
In the year of 1895, a body of a man was taken to the Auman Funeral Home in Reading, Pa. He died in the old prison that stood in Penn's Common which is now our City Park.
Theodore C. Auman was intrigued with the possibilities of preserving the dead, other than placing them on a block of ice. He had found in an old German medical book a chemical formula for preserving meat. Until now, he had no means of experimenting. He seeked permission from state and local authorities to use the unclaimed body. In his first attempt, he used too much formula and the body became mummified.
The identify of Stone (Man) Willie has to this day remained anonymous. He was thought to be Michael Phohonski, a man who hanged himself in the same prison. Pietro Buccieri, a man who killed a nurse at St. Joseph Hospital in 1892. James Murphy from Wilkes-Barre, James Maypenny from Philadelphia, plus many more.
When he was arrested Oct. 7, in West Reading, Pa, for burglarizing the Morris Brown Boardinghouse. He gave the name James Penn, admitting it wasn't his real name. To this day, no one knows where the name Stone (Man) Willie came from.
The only time I saw Stone (Man) Willie was in 1972. He was in a lower part of the funeral home. He laid on a cot. There had been many myths about the dead man which were dispelled. His hair and fingernails do not grow. The body shrinks every year making the hair and nails longer. He was a white man , 37 years of age, 5' 10" and weighted 127 pounds. The formula that was injected into him has made his skin tone darker. We were told that every few years they give him a new pair of pajamas to ware.
Around 1994, the Auman Family sold the business to Service Corporation International, the largest funeral and cemetery company in the world. Theodore C. Auman III remains as president and manager. It was rumored, Stone (Man) Willie would be buried. Last week a call was made to Auman's and they said Willie was indeed still there but he is no longer available to be viewed.

As they say in Berks County.

It don't matter.

Here are some classic berks County Quotes about the Stone Man

Here is another cool story about Berks oddities.

I Read I Remember I Forget

“The Other” is a novel about a Kurt who goes off the rails and ends up living as a hermit in a remote forest in Washington State. The author is David Guterson, of “Snow Falling on Cedars” fame. The recluse is John William Barry, sole heir to a banking and timber fortune. John William, as his friends call him, is as old-school Seattle as it gets. His great-great-grandfather was a member of the Denny Party, whose members founded the city in 1851. In the Northwest, this is akin to Mayflower lineage. John William is a smart, troubled rich kid who loathes phonies and sellouts, beginning with his own “weaseling, demonic forefathers.” He’s the kind of guy who drops acid and chants, “No escape from the unhappiness machine.”

Well I was sitting and reading the back credits after finishing this book and I can honestly say I loved "Our Lady of The Forest" but I have very little recollection of it. So I took some notes on "The Other".

There are certain scenes from this book that stick in my head especially one of the opening scenes where JW and the author (Countryman) battle for 5th pace in a high school track meet. Its funny how friendships start and friendships endure.

Its a juxtaposition between building a life and building a cave and just plain hiding in it. Its also a nice little reflection how Seattle used to be before Microsoft and Starbucks, but more importantly it is a homage to male friendship. In this busy world it is a rarity that relationships endure years and obstacle, but somehow it works here.

"The Other" hints at portraying JW as a hero but I kind of view his as a completely wasted life, and more specifically a more wasted life lived by JW's father. He had a lot of money and a lot of luck but very little skills as a parent and a mentor. like the German population under Hitler, he just let it happen as a passive participant.

Snow Falling on Cedars was fantastic. I also believe that book was the right book at the right time but. "The Other" probably is a better book. There is plenty to glean from it it and some imagery I may never forget.

I need to get my brothers opinion.

107 Degrees of Supination

Okay I get it. It is hot. We have a family tradition of punching somebody in the arm when they state the obvious. I have heard the statement "boy it is hot" so many times. I do not even hear it any more. I only punch family.

Today it is going to be 108. How does 108 differ from 105. In my opinion it doesn't. Your just one more day sick of it. I did get out for a bike ride today and you know what, it is no big deal. It's kind of like riding a horse in the old west. it is dusty and you are thirsty.

According the New York Times "Media and Advertising: This is Coors approach to advertising.

The campaign is meant to tease beer drinkers, piquing their curiosity until the introduction on May 15 of what Coors Light is calling cold-activated cans: The mountains on the cans’ labels turn from white to blue when the beer is the right (cold) temperature for drinking. The cans are a companion to the cold-activated Coors Light bottles introduced in 2007.

The imbiber needs insurance that their beer is actually cold. I can not believe that Coors is actually fawning to the idiot that lie with in us all. I will make no opinions or judgements. I just simply refuse to drink that stuff.

Now I need somebody to tell me when it is actually hot. I have a Bangles song stuck in my head. That should tell me it is hot.

Close your eyes and give me your hand

Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?

Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming

Or is this burning an eternal flame?

I think my brain caught on fire.

Blind as Hell Faith

OREGON CITY, Ore. -- A Clackamas County jury on Thursday found Carl and Raylene Worthington not guilty of manslaughter in the death of their toddler daughter.

Carl Worthington was found guilty of criminal mistreatment, a misdemeanor carrying a maximum sentence of a year in jail. Sentencing was set for July 31. Raylene Worthington was found not guilty of that charge.

The Worthingtons, who believe in faith healing, were charged in the death of their 15-month-old daughter Ava, who died on a Sunday evening in March 2008.
The jury's verdict was read in the Clackamas County Courthouse in Oregon City Thursday afternoon, seven days after the jury began deliberation.

-------------------

Okay enough said. I do not believe this couple killed their child and I am a bit mixed if the the punishment actually fits the crime.

But think for a minute;

What would have this ruling been if the Religion in question was of Islam, Buddhism or Hinduism. I believe the ruling would have been drastically different. I literally believe this jury in Suburban middle America would have thrown the book at them but since this is a case involving Christian based religion the sentence came out accordingly.

We have schools that teach abstinence and feel it is the best way to not get pregnant. We have schools that teach that evolution is a myth. As long as it is based on a Christian religion its okay to do so. Same thing for this bizarre case.

If we march a man into War and he is killed there is no crime committed. I guess the same can my concluded in this case here. The jury is still out on that. Actually on second thought, The jury has ruled. And in my opinion. They did not get it right? And I have faith in that.

Jurors saw the Worthingtons as loving, caring parents, said 25-year-old juror.

I see them as negligant, and out of touch. With a life time of regret they must live with. and if they can live with themselves. I still have a problem with it.

If another non Christian faith came along and said, "The after life is so much more beautiful" ; we did the best we can. This would have been an even quicker trial with a different out come.

Life Shaking Music We are Going Nightswimming

We all have memories to songs that can not be explained. But when we can explain them it makes a bit of sense. But there is also a lot that goes unexplained.

I am a huge R.E.M. fan and I would always buy their music the day it came out. I still remember the day I was introduced to R.E.M. I was in grad school at William and Mary and quirky bird named Amy deposited in my pocket a cassette tape of both the Murmurs" and "Reckoning" cds. It was like a drug deal . But I loved that music more than anything. In retrospective that little cd influenced my musical taste from that day forward.

Somewhere along the line the CD "Automatic for the People" came out. It was a stretch of my life where I was busy raising kids and I bought the cd the day it came out as usual but I never really had a chance to listen to it. Really listen to it.

Somewhere along the line the song sunk in. I have no idea where. Seriously I listened to that CD occasionally over the years and I liked it but no particular track stuck out.

Then I saw it played live. Mike Mills on the piano and Stipe on vocals. it was at a half filled Clark County amphitheater. Wilco opened that night. WTF. But that performance literally brought me to tears. It was one of the most beautiful songs I have ever seen done in concert. I had tears running down my cheecks.

My fiance and I were deciding what song to dance to at our wedding. I suggested Nightswimming. I do not believe that Jenna had ever heard the song before. It had no particular meaning to our relationship. But its the prettiest song on the planet.

So an a picture perfect spring day the opening piano bars to NightSwimming once again brought tears to my eyes. It may have been the 5 of the happiest minutes in my life dancing to Nightswimming with my new wife.

Nightswimming, remembering that night.
September's coming soon.
I'm pining for the moon.
And what if there were two
Side by side in orbit
Around the fairest sun?
That bright, tight forever drum
Could not describe nightswimming.

Hobble Before Walk Before You Run

Yes almost three weeks ago I was running in the middle of the road and broke my ankle. I made the cursory trip to the emergency room where I was told I had a busted ankle. That is not great news for somebody who loves to be active. And a pet beagle (Ghosty Pig) who has no idea what a cast entails.

To be quite honest I have had a bit of a depression as I could not do anything. The chores around the house were impossible and getting to work was a recipe for disaster. I have my loving wife to thank for getting me through a very tough time. She has been amazing and has picked up the slack and has not let my sense of self esteem slip all that much.

The orders from the doctors have been non existent. I get mixed signals on what I am supposed to do. So basically I have been listening to my body. Well for the most part. A walking cast is just for that ; walking. I don't see lugging around an extra five pound contraption while manning my crutches.

I really abhor the attention a cast somehow casts upon you. Everybody wants to talk about it and I simply do not. I simply want to hobble, then walk then run again.

My wife is away this weekend and I am somewhat bored and some what limited. Not a real good combination. I good time to push it just a little.

Today I took my first steps. The heat of summer was just, that but it was nice to stroll the six block in my nieghbor hood in my 10 dollar fake Vans my son bought me. Taking those first steps toward recovery.

And my Beagle is also happy.

Lies Lays Bad Lies and Bad Lays

LONDON (AP)—Richard Gasquet escaped a lengthy doping ban Wednesday when the International Tennis Federation ruled that he inadvertently took cocaine.
The 23-year-old Frenchman, who was cleared to resume playing after completing a 2 1/2 -month ban Wednesday, convinced an independent anti-doping tribunal that he ingested cocaine by kissing a woman he met at a nightclub in Miami.
The tribunal panel of three lawyers said Gasquet consumed no more than “a grain of salt” of the drug, and a long ban would be an injustice in a case which was “unusual to the point of being probably unique.”
“We have found the player to be a person who is shy and reserved, honest and truthful, and a man of integrity and good character,” the tribunal said in its ruling.

Okay I buy that.

• 
  
  And Barry Bonds got his steroid reading from taking practice swings with the ball girl.


• 
  
  Of course Floyd Landis got that crazy high tetasterone reading from his bike seat.

When Harry Met Linda

(UPI) - Linda the penguin has split up two male penguins who lived as a nesting couple for six years at the San Francisco Zoo, caretakers said.
Male penguins Harry and Pepper had been so content together they were allowed to incubate and hatch an egg laid by another Magellanic penguin last year, zookeeper Anthony Brown said.
"Of all of the parents that year, they were the best. They took very good care of their chick," Brown told the San Francisco Examiner in a story published Saturday.
Enter the widow Linda, who began courting Harry in her partner's old burrow shortly after his death this past winter, Brown said.
"To be completely anthropomorphizing, Linda seems conniving," Brown said. "She's got her plan. I don't think she was wanting to be a single girl for too long."

This is fairly predictable. And no she does not have a plan. Never did, never will, just the basic vision of creating drama. Woman are just that Drama Queens. And of course the zoo is in San Fransisco.

It captivated millions of people around the world for eight days in the summer of 1969. It brought glory to the embattled U.S. space program and inspired beliefs that anything was possible.

Moon landing hoax theorists point to the "rippling" flag as evidence the landings were faked.

It's arguably the greatest technological feat of the 20th century.
And to some, it was all a lie.
Forty years after Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin set foot on the moon, a small cult of conspiracy theorists maintains the historic event -- and the five subsequent Apollo moon landings -- were staged. These people believe NASA fabricated the landings to trump their Soviet rivals and fulfill President Kennedy's goal of ferrying humans safely to and from the moon by the end of the 1960s.
"I do know the moon landings were faked," said crusading filmmaker Bart Sibrel, whose aggressive interview tactics once provoked Aldrin to punch him in the face. "I'd bet my life on it."
Sibrel may seem crazy, but he has company. A 1999 Gallup poll found that a scant 6 percent of Americans doubted the Apollo 11 moon landing happened, and there is anecdotal evidence that the ranks of such conspiracy theorists, fueled by innuendo-filled documentaries and the Internet, are growing.

This has to be one of the crazier assumptions I have seen in my life. Some of these people take on faith literally the exact interpretation of the Bible and believe it actually happened verbatim but they have a hard time believing that man actually landed on the moon.

Death with Indignity

Death with Indignity

Fautenberry was transferred Monday from the Ohio State Penitentiary in Youngstown to the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility in Lucasville, where state officials were preparing for his execution.

His special meal request was two eggs sunny-side up, fried potatoes, two pieces of fried bologna, four pieces of wheat bread, two pieces of wheat toast with butter, four slices of tomato, a side of lettuce and mayonnaise, two Three Musketeers candy bars and two packages of Reese's peanut butter cups.

I am not sure what my last meal would be in this case, but I hope that I never end up in the predictament.

But I like the choice of Sunny Side up Eggs. I am a great cook but do not do well with sunny side eggs. So it would be nice to have somebody to prepare them. But eggs always make my stomach ache, but I guess when you are going to be killed anyway, a stomach ache does not matter. But I guess you could die of a heart attack to dampen the spirits of a the pro death penalty crowd.

Fried Bologna -now thats unusual. Haven't had it since I was a kid. Another Excellent choice.

I am really surprised that the makers of these Candy products have not cashed in here. There's a huge market here as with somebodies dying wish they want a

Broken Bones

Dumb assed me was running in a cul-d-sac and twisted my ankle and Voila instantly I knew it was broken. Which led me to the Providence Emergency Room which has its cast of Castaways and Misfits.

We're lining up the light-loafere'd
And the bored bench warmers
Castaways and cutouts, fill it up
Come join the youth and beauty brigade
Nothing will stand in our way

Some of the people I saw there on a busy Monday Night where.

BEE Boy - A young boy of overly protective parents. He needlessly sat in the ER for a bee sting. His parents came up to me and asked me and presented me with a bag with a bee in it.

"What Kind of Bee is this?"

Me "Don't Know - A Honey Bee"

Bee Boys Parents - He captured the bee that stung him.

Me - Nice Going Bee Boy.

Bee Boy - Just stared at me.

Me (to parents) make a run for it Bee Boy is fine. Save yourself the money and get out of this place.

Bee Boy Parents - We Just may. (And they did).

Oxegen Lady - she wheeled her self around the ER yelling for Oxegen. She asked me if the bathroom was clear and I told her yes. Apparently 2 wheel chairs do no work in the ER facilities. Oxegen Lady got stuck in the bathroom yell predictiably. "I want my Oxegen".

Throw Up Man- He did just that, almost threw up right on the Bee Boy.

Man with A Hammer in His Head - I have no idea what was with this dude.

Well after 3 hours it was determined that I have a fractured foot.
I now wear a boot, and hobble. For awhile.

Bikram Yoga Revisited

The other day i went to a tragically Hip Concert and it was 102 degrees. And my back hurt and has for awhile. Which brought me to the conclusion that i need to get back to Bikram Yoga.

Practicing Bikram's Yoga will increase your chances of having better health and more fun on your adventures in life!!!
In my mind I hated the 90 monutes while I took Biram yoga.
In my mind I loved the 22..5 hours of the day surrounding Bikram.

I had a bit of trepidation about going back. It had to be on my own terms.

The reality of Bikram Yoga
Class is not so bad.

The teachers so far are very supportive.

Meaning : So far it has only been male teachers who work with me and know my limitations. Lets see what happens when we get the crazy 95 pound pretxel as a teacher.

It takes too much Organization

So far it has been pretty easy. my wife has been very supportive. (She had a bad experience with a previous Yoga class)

Meaning: Lets see what happens when i have top juggle kids, school and everything else.

My hamstrings are tighter than a hummingbird on caffeine.

On the bright side they seem to be loosening up.
But, that pose where you grab your ankles and touch your fore head to your knees does not work for me. Yoga will be a semi success when I can actually do this pose.

I love the feeling right after class

Yes the air is sweeter, the breeze is comforting and water melon is wonderful
But, yesterday I got home and I felt like somebody had shoveled my brain empty with an ice cream scoop.

Its okay not to be good.

I try my best but I am simply not good. So far that is okay as try my best.
Well, I barely survived the last 4 poses yesterday.
But I continue on.

Tragically Hip Do Bikram Yoga

The Tragically Hip played the Wonder Ballroom in Portland, Oregon on Tuesday Night. I have been to quite a few Hips shows and this one truly will go down as memorable.

I called the box office the morning of the show and they indicated it was a complete Hip Show, The Hip was to play from 8 until 9, take an intermission and play until 10:30.

Promptly at 8:00 Gordon Downie took the stage and rolled into a very loud opening set. The words were quite clear to those who were familiar to the Hip. To those who were not the music was simply too loud.

The Bikram Yoga Effect

I have seen shows at the Wonder Ball room before and tonight the weather outside was not particularly hot but the place was steaming literally. I honestly felt like I was in the Bikram Studio up on Fremont. I literally had that pure liquid sweat going on and my cloths were drenched. The crowd was a mass of smarmy , earthy sweat and it honestly added to the night for most of us. My wife had to go home. And there were drunk people falling down left and right.

"It could have been the heat it could have been the wine".

The Set List (A drunken Twitter text is included later)

I could look it up but the first set was pretty decent. it seemed like the new songs were a little less warmly received but I personally love the new release. Old favourites in the first set included Poets and the sparkling brand new Morning Moon. But what I remember from the first set was how truly hot this night was. I ventured outside during the intermission and I remembered it was a cool late spring evening. The people out side said it would be warmer for the second set. I did not believe them, but they were right.

I ventured in for the second set an the oppressive heat just nailed me. But the energy level in the second set was cranked up a bit. They opened the second set with two acoustic tunes. I believe it was Music at Work.

Drunken Twitter Set List from the Internets (With interpretations)

-GrDepressions suite (The Depression Suite)

-Poets -(This Rocked)

Don't wake daddy!!!!!!!!!

I'm so happyyyyyyyy (sic) about this!!!!!!

-In view

-Gift shop. Ps I love gordy

-Last Recluse

-Springtime in portland, baby! I'm too drunk for this!!!!!

-Morning Moon

-ABACT (Ahead By A Century)

-Love is a first

I'm gonna burstOMG He threw me a hankyyyyyyyyyyyyy and then I met negphil and now I can't control myself eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!Ps

Intermission to cool off

Thompson girl

Coffee girl

Bobcaygeon

M@w (Music * Work)

grace tooh (Grace Too)

Frozen

Blow @ high dough. --Sorry canucks , not in order. Blackberry sucks.........

StruggleHoly f**k its hot in here

I believe the twitterer passed out at this point.

At one point during the show three Drunk Canadians (a double redundancy) unfurled a Canadian Flag blocking the views of another 30 drunk Canadians. Gordie did the chivalrous thing and took the flag. it was an amazing night of music and we were all in this together. Because as the new album title says, "We are the Same". And we do get it some of you are Canadian. Sweat rags and water bottles were thrown into the crowd and at the beginning of the second set the ceiling pipes stated to drip. (Well leak is not a strong enough word) it was now not only 102 degrees in the room but it was raining.

Sorry I did not come close to having a set list. I was just taking it in and enjoying the evening. As weird as it could have been it was tragically good. Even if I not Canadian. Sometimes I wonder about the Wonder BallRoom.

The Blind Leading The Celibate

CORAL GABLES, Fla. -- Former Catholic priest Alberto Cutié married his longtime girlfriend Tuesday following the scandal that preceded his leaving the Catholic Church.
According to the Miami-Dade County Clerk of Courts, Cutié and Ruhama Canellis picked up their marriage license Tuesday in Coral Gables and immediately exchanged vows in front of a judge.

A Readers comment

On a more whimsical note, perhaps he's planning on keeping his vow of celibacy after all. He's just pursuing it the way that most men do: marriage. In a few years, he'll be celibate again.

What really Happened

So they had sex. And you know what they say perfect practice makes perfect. And limpy Alberto was out of his league from years of not getting any. She hated the sex (if thats what you want to call it and called the whole thing off) and literally left him at the alter.

Just Nice Things About Great People

A poem for now

To My Wife

asleep on the couch
all serene and twinkling
like a star in a busy constellation
standing out brilliantly
when she doesn't
want any thing
to notice

reflecting
sunlight rain drops
somehow making the
light of everyday life sparkle
pefectly
hitting the eye in multi layered
sparkle dust twinkle.

Random Places Your Mind Goes

My mind like like everybody elses random goes where ever it wants to go to.
There are certain places it goes repeatedly and I have no idea reason why.
It just goes there. I just thought I would write them fdown and not force my
self to go there.

Buying Tickets to a WinterHawks Game

I always go back to sunny day in the spring where I drove to the Rose Garden
with the kids. I drove underneath the Rose Garden to get tickets (the ticket booth
is no longer located there). I have no recollection of the game it self and as I look back
it may have been tickets to a Portland Fire basketball game. I just remeber going
and getting tickets with the kids. It may have been a Thursday and I may have been happy.
The weather was clear.

And then another Friday afternoon

Where I was married and my wife had left for the weekend. I vaguely recall our
marriage was not working well but I remember a wonderfully calm Friday night.
I came home from work and mowed thelawn with a push mower.
The grass smelled nice and it was warm for the end of hockey season. I was completely
relaxed. The kids and I went to a hockey game that night. The neighbors gave us a ride
to the game and we took the Max home. It was unusually warm walking back from the Max.

Somewhat Pathetic Rant

Gum and Being Bored

• I just stole 4 pieces of gum from a co worker
• They tasted good for 30 seconds
• To keep awake I just dunked it in instant coffee.
• Its not so bad.

Cells Phones Suck

• I am 100 yards off I 5 and can not receive calls.
• Texting is insane. (Pick up the dam phone)
• I ran over the charger with my swivel chair.
• The above gum may fix it.

May 31st

• Should be labor day. Blew that load last week.
• Moved to Oregon this same weekend 12 years ago.
• It should not be 90 degees already.

These headlines today.

'This has been my dream,' spelling bee winner says.

She got a "Laodicean," reception from the crowd.

This means

a.) rousing b.) tepid c.) traditional indian gala d.) non at all

Second-place finisher Tim Ruiter of Reston, Virginia, bowed out after misspelling "Maecenas," meaning

a.) generous patron of the arts.

b.) phoresy

c. ) curt

d. ) Ned Beatty

Wedding Observations

Behind the Scenes

2 hours before the wedding we made a meal with the trout we had caught on the previous day. It was the best trout I have ever had.

My little sister Jennifer ran 12 miles the morning of the wedding. After we scaled a large rocky knoll just to find the beginning of the trail.

It rained for almost 2 weeks straight up until the day before the wedding and then the rain just stopped.

I remember Layla (the beloved wedding czar) asking me who was going to read Haiku. My brain was too over whelmed to answer coherently so randomly I pointed pointed to the next person I saw. Wonder what Erin Faireborne thought.

Pastor Tim: (concluding the rehearsal) "Does anybody have any questions.
Everybody gets quiet and and starts mentally heading
to the Rehearsal dinner.
A little voice comes out of a little girl. Our beautiful little flower girl Olivia.
Olivia: Yes I have a question.
Pastor Tim: "Yes what is it?
Olivia: My brother Becket why is standing up. Why is he standing there.

IIWII- Down the Aisle

Wow I proposed at a soccer game more than a year ago, which was one of the my greater days in life. All I wanted to do at that time is to be married to the girl I love. I forgot somewhere in that proposal was the promise that yes we would have a wedding. Its not a one day event rather a year long metaphor reminiscent of the build up to the Super Bowl. It Is What It Is. In the acronym filled corporate world we of course use acronyms and hence forth It Is What It Is will be referred to IIWII.

TO BE continued as I find free time.

I look forward to finding it.

Well it is 24 hours later and Jen got a ton of stuff done. She talked to the caterers and then to some others involved about the head count for the wedding. Of course that was ten minutes before I told her that there would be another other two year old at the wedding. Apparently I am clueless in this entire wedding process as to what is a Major issue and what is a Minor issue.

• whacks oneself on the head.
• writes not that i wont be able to read later.
• attacks next little fire.

Another Action Item- Find out when my Dad's flight arrives (I check off the task probably before I should have)

Dad - "All I know is that I am on flight 0610 on United."
I quickly look it up online and tell him 5:45.
Dad -"You have to add or subtract 3 hours to that"
Me - No that's time zone specific.

That's all my brain could handle, but soon Jen suggests we move the time of the family get together dinner. It amazes me when somebody has a complete project type of mind. Which I do not. I consider myself lucky to be walking down the aisle with somebody like that. Its pretty amazing. But what lingers in my wedding planning future. I am not in the mood to make a project plan.

To the best of my recollection we did not move the time of the family get together dinner. Thats a story for another day where I will not have time to write. But I can see it now, dinner at the Corbett Fish House (a place I truly adore), where I predict with tongue in cheek that these things will happen.

• Max devours 4 Oyster Shooters
• Riley invites Joel Prizbella as her date.
• Marina tells everybody about her deep absolute hatred of scallops
  

Back to the present for a moment. One thing we completely forgot about was that we had to get a marriage license. That is going to happen tomorrow and I am told I don't have to study for this. Much to the chagrin of my fellow co-workers I have not been able to put in sixty hour weeks, but I somehow had to draft a memo stating that I had to leave work early to get a marriage license.

In retrospect I was nervous about being late. Government agencies are a weird place to be in. Despite not being able to take a credit card or a check, YES CASH ONLY, they were all really nice and knew what thet were doing. Neither Jenna or I bothered to even write down the address on the Multnomah County Marriage License Place and both arrived at random places and times. At least the Multnomah County Marriage License Place staff knew what they are doing.

The other day I was sitting at my desk with these numbers on my scratch pad.

9636, 9701, 9715 9638

9536, 9636, 9717, 9228

One was a list of of the numbered pre wedding photos I had chosen for the sign in book. The other list were project id numbers for a report I was semi-mindlessly preparing. I just hope I didn't send Jen project ids. That may not end well. I am fairly confident I did not. And the last thing we need to working on at work is my wedding plans. I am capable of fumbling these by myself.

Then there is the subject of Haikus -Weasked people to submit Haikus along with thier invites.

Here are some examples

Elements of a good marriage....communication, humore, adventure, support, hugs, and lots lovin'?

Love and devotion, laughter, honesty, respect, Enduring Marriage

You only live once. Life is short. Have fun, fun, fun!

Open ears and heart yields forgiving nature. Contentment results.

Lifetime of smiles. sparkle in each other's eyes. Always, everywhere.

There are times when silence has the loudest voice.

To make great marriage use ears more often than mouth. Dogs have this down pat.

Two dry martinis mixed by him and shared with you. Relax at day's end.

Happiness is my wife walking away from me in her leather chaps. (Thanks Greg and Kris!!!)

The question of the day is whether they should be read just like this or whether the wedding team had editorial input. I say noy, but tahts a story for another day.

The Trail Blazers Enigma

This team always surprises me and I root for them more than any team I have ever rooted for. But Houston and McKenzie River we have a problem. It works like this.

• We are getting married next week.
• Weddings are expensive.
  
• We have tickets to all the games.
• The tickets are expensive.
• The second round of the playoffs will mostly be during wedding week where we will be away in McKenzie River and the Beach.
• It would be easier on our hectic lives if we did have to deal with the second round of the playoffs.
• Like Pavlov's Dog the trumpet calls.
• We want the Blazers to win it anyway.
• With all our hearts.
• We will deal with it then.

And then there is this series. One of the fruits of being a season ticket holder is you get to go to the game. That is if your schedule can afford it. I took an assignment to teach at night this month. I love teaching. It pays the bills. Well it actually only pays for Blazers tickets. Its known in some circles as disposable income.

But

• Our beloved Blazers seem to be playing on nights I teach.
• And I teach I must.
• Game 2 I left the class out early so that they would not get stuck in post game traffic.
• Meaning I could watch the rest of the game on television.

We play again next Tuesday the night I once again have class.

I need to hatch a plan.

I love You Now Have a Sex Change

Actress Lindsay Lohan and DJ Samantha Ronson flaunted their relationship from New York to Dubai. Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl" topped the charts. "The L Word," "Work Out," and "Top Chef" are featuring gay women on TV, and there's even talk of a lesbian reality show in the works.
Certainly nothing is new about women having sex with women, but we've arrived at a moment in the popular culture when it all suddenly seems almost fashionable -- or at least, acceptable.

Well in my opinion this makes a ton of cents.

• No problems with the toilet seat thing


• Things don't come in jars that need opening any more.
• Drills, Circular Saws and Dry Wall now are made for both sexes.
• Its all about communication, why learn a second language.
• No wet spot arguments. (Do people really argue about that?)
• If I were a woman, and I am not I would date a woman because they smell better and taste bettter.
• And Its Portland, Oregom where 11 out of 10 woman are dating woman.

April 17th

April 17th

A soccer game of sorts
where I got down on my
knees and asked the
girl I love to marry me.



One year ago today
and 20 days from now
we walk down the
aisle eternally.



And I thank you for
falling into my life like
glitter out of the
sparkle jet stream.

My New Friend the Blind Guy

Last Week

• I teach class at a local college.
• My style can be a bit random.
• I teach with the door open.
• I noticed an obviously blind guy walking down the hall.
• Yelling where is the recycling bin?
• Somebody pointed him to the trash can.
  
• I walked out of my class and pointed him to the recycle bin.
• He thanked Me.
• I walked back into my room and continued teaching.

This Week

• I walked into my school building and my new friend was looking for the elevator.
• I showed him where it was.
• He said Thank You.
• I went to my class and started teaching.
• I gave the students a lab and walked out in the hall and noticed my friend on a chair.
• I asked him what class he was taking.
• He answered "A Plus" a programming class.
• I told him I teach another programming class.
• I invited him to sit in the class some day.
• He said Thank You.
• and smiled.
• He asked me what kind of car did I drive because he could not hear it earlier in the parking lot.
• In my mind I tried to remember was he death or was he blind. (Its been a long day).
  
• I said a Prius then remembered they are very quiet cars.
  
• He said cool How long have you had it.
• I said its a year old. I l love the car.
• His Answer was "Can I drive it?"
• I went back to blindly teaching.
  

More DipShits

There is no research being done here and I do not watch this show at all except when my fiance had it on the other night for the 13 hour season finale.

This is the worst television I have ever seen. My fiance was watching it and I got a gist of what was going on.The guy is a FuckWad.....(But Mom approves)The little kid is being manipulated. -No comment needed.The dumpee (while hot) -should punch the other chick, Mommas boy and my television. The bachelor - will hit on the male host of the show eventually.the heir apperent - must give good head. So thats what i think of that collasal train wreck.

Speaking of train wrecks

Tonya Harding lashes out at President Obama

PORTLAND -- In a recent interview for HBO's "Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel," Oregonian and infamous figure skater Tonya Harding lashed out about President Obama’s use of her name in a past speech.
Back when he was still on the campaign trail in 2007, Barack Obama talked about how the pundits said he should “knee cap her” or “do a Tonya Harding on the front runner,” referring to his main contender at the time, then U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton

He has this country to think about, he has the candidacy to think about, he has the war to think about, and he has to bring me up? What the hell is important in this world today?” she responded.
“But guess what, I get jobs (BLOW JOBS) because he used my name on national television, because people forgive who Tonya Harding is. All publicity is good publicity.”

Winco House of Horrors

You know those couples where the guy is a complete dead beat and is incapable of doing anything. Well the other day we were in the Grocery store and the couple in front of had their provebial heads up their butt.

Winco, the fine (sic) grocery store and mis-fit collection that it is, requires customers to bag their own groceries. The couple in front of us had no grasp of this. As their groceries accumulated in the conveyor belt this couple just chitted and chatted and did nothing to get their groceries into bags. One must excuse my myopia as we were in a bit of a hurry as we were meeting somebody in the next hour.

Finally half the couple in front of us suddendly realized they had to bag. Of course Mr Man of the Couple just stood and chatted inane bullshit while his partner packed all of the groceries. I see this kind of behavior all the time. But this was a gay couple and it was a bit unexpected. Some people argue wrongly that giving gay couples the right to marry gives them extra rights.

I beg to differ, as was proven to me that one partner in a relationship being a complete tool and dip shit gives the entire gay community the absolute right to marry and prosper.

I am going to turn the economy around all by myself

Yes that is my job here to turn the economy around. Life is about perception. Our media does nothing but report bad news which of course feeds into the frenzy of gloom and doom and people react accordingly. No, not with an accordion, but rather people tend to fuel the fire with calculated reaction. That is they do predictable things such as not buying anything, well except beer, cigarettes and ,ironically the IRA of the ages, the fabled lottery ticket.

But when the news is happy and sunny people in this country buy real products like guns, high definition televisions and tickets to the opera. All are non essential but all part of a life worth living. (Not sure about the Guns) Well the intent of this blob (some call it a blog) is to turn the economy around with all the good news that is fit to print or just observations from happy people or in some cases delusional's with conviction.I just got my first sign that the world is going to be okay. Sent to me from my favourite Canadian on the planet and this is a startling photo. Not sure if it is photo shopped but, I don't ever remember seeing this in my sky. Canadian Geese have wonderful foresight and I know they are headed here.

And here is a nice little story from that psuedo monopoly up in Washington. At least when they fire people they seem to be doing it right. Do not click Here.

Slow Down

Life is way to busy. This week I have some tough times and some great times with my family and that is pretty cool thing.

Max was describing a kid in first grade (Max is in fifth) that he mentors. He described the kid like this.

"He cute , kind of the right size, he is kind like having an IPOD".

Riley says she gets home sick when she she is not at home and Marina is walking around the house beaming that she got 19 out of 17 on her math test.

And my wife to be is upstairs sleeping. She's hot even when she is sleeping.

The dryer is pounding away with Max's sneakers thumping on each side.

Other than that it is quiet.

its nice to slow down and take it all in.

Looking Rediculous

As we drive down the road, this time of year, there is always a guy dressed up like Uncle Sam waving a sign. The kids and I always have a good laugh as we lament that being a pretty bad job and we wonder how he feels. Lately on my evening runs I would stop on his street corner and have little inane conversations with him.

Discussions like "Hey is that outfit Tax Deductible"
"Ha Ha -No Its Not"

We had developed a banter.

Well today I ventured out to our usual Tuesday night run. I just wanted stop in and say hello to the couple setting the run whom had just had a baby. When I get there I had forgot the run was to celebrate the once flat chested mother's newly created breasts. Soon two girls pinned two inflated baloons on my jacket and I thought nothing about it. I needed to get home and finish the curry I was cooking at home. So a mile later whom do I run into but the guy dressed up like Uncle Sam waving a sign. He just looked at me in hysterics. He said nothing. Just laughed like crazy.

Which he was.

Key Things -Where are They

Key Ingredients

We have important day to day things that hold our lives together. These things change constantly and where we put them seem to change constantly.

My Substance

(For those scoring at home please list 10 physical items important in your day to day life and from memory and recall where they are right now) . Please do not include your spouse or partner because if you do not where they are you have bigger problems than locating your key.

Here are Mine

1. Keys - In the front room on the credenza - I think.
2. Jen's Keys - I have no idea.
3. My son Max's soccer stuff -that's his deal (trouble looming).
4. Work Badge -on the kitchen table (I think)
5. A1 Running Shoes - right behind me.
6. The New Submarines Cd - I wish I knew.
7. Lucy The Escape Beagle- snuggled with Jen in Bed. (I think).
8. The TV Remote -best guess the sofa cushions.
9. My Day Timer - By my keys. (One key item dependent on another may be a problem)
10. Tickets to The Next Blazers Game - (Right where they have been for the last five years)
    

And the bonus Question
When you meet somebody new how do you remember their name. (Just Circle One)

1. You are too busy worried about how you appear to them you never hear their name.
2. You use an association. Hi "My Name is Maria" . You think 'oh one of Columbus's sailing ships'.
3. You write the new name down some where.
4. I never really thought about it.
5. I just remember it comes easy to me.
6. Keys - I think they are in my jacket pocket- I think.
7. Other.

Math Is a Religion

Just observations on a Normal Wednesday

I am not a big fan of 8:00 meeting but today’s meeting was just perfectly fine. I walked away with very little action items and in general I feel pretty good. The curry from last night seems to be reminding me that I had curry last night.

My work place is crazy, or maybe I make it crazy. I have not been able to make it around to do my green belt training. Well I got a note today from the administrator that I have until May the 12th to get that done. Need to talk to my boss so that I can actually set aside that time to get it done. I have a habit of taking on too much and not doing this stuff, some call it being a victim, others simply a team player.

At 10:00 almost everyday the system churns to a crawl. Opening the simplest documents is a chore. Well I just had a brainstorm and of course off the cuff decided today it would be cool to join the Peace Corp. I think that’s an extension of the book I am reading as well as some of the mindless things we do during the day.

Well at least I got a walk in today. 1.5 miles but its better than a zero.

Spaghetti Tacos?

Wheat Free Pasta.

Your Own Sphegetti Sauce

Onions

Tomato

Lettuce

Hot Sauce

Cheese

Corn Taco Shells

Fill Tacos with Spaghetti and Sauce. Top with Cheese (first) tand what ever veggies that you want. It is very important to use Japanese Serving Bowls. This is according Riley. When the kids have something in mind by all means go with it.

My Loser Collection

People who work Hard at Being MisFits

I wonder where Richard Henry Berkey, 63, of Beaverton, is these days the world famous Peeping Dick

As well as Michael James Kuhnhausen, 58 the jizz Mopper by day and hit Man by night.

And then there is this recent legend who drives coolers around town on a cooler and gets a DUI.

And this woman whom she wasn't a sucker or an easy mark.

And this guy who doesn't like gay sweaters. McCain Unraveled by 'Gay Sweaters'?

Handy as I am

So the room upstairs needed an air conditioner. I purchased the air conditioner at Costco which is border line panic for me anyway. I am surprised I do not hate that place more than I do. Well it started getting hot this week so i decided to tackle the job of putting the air conditioner in.

With sweat on my brow and my glasses on I,

1. Read the instrucions (guys do that sometimes)
2. Get Drill , screw Driver etc.
3 Proceed.

For the most part I screwed where screwing was needed and put everything in place. One must remember we were three stories in the air and this 75 pound Air Conditioner was designed to dangle out the window. I am still skeptical.

Well everything was put in place and the damn window would not shut. So I called my neighbor over for a sanity check. It was not the perfect omen as he walked in looking like he escaped from the emergency room, apparently he had crashed his bike earlier in the day. So my neighbor checks my work and says it all looks pretty good and Bob almost proceeds to send the air conditioning unit hurtling to a three story demise. (Don't worry it would have died before hitting the ground, so I am told). We made a few adjustments and the window was fairly snug and the air conditioner seemed to be humming away and keeping the third story cool. Cool.

Until this morning, when we were sleeping at 6 oclock this morning and we were awakened by a really loud crashing sound.


I still don't know what that crashing sound was.

Obama on Race

I Remember growing up in Pennsylvania being told
that people of colour were different.
I was told to be afraid of them.
The trash can collection guy was very black.
I remember being afraid of him.
This little reflection stayed with me.
It was secretly ingrained in me,
and it came out one day in the break room of a part time job I had.


I was eating lunch with a girl who was black.
I never thought of her as being black.
She was a friend that I was having lunch with.
As I was eating my sandwich ,
and I took a chip out of the bag
and It was burnt and singed in a way.

Without thinking I reacted and
referred to the chip as a NIGGA chip...
A deadly silence ensued.
It was deadly silence that has stayed with me my
entire life.
I was stunned as I thought to my self that this type of
think was almost automatic when growing up in Pennsylvania.

It made me sick and changed my out look as how I looked at
race.

It was that moment of silence that has haunted me
for much of my adult life.

I watched the primaries in Pennsylvania, West Virginia and everywhere
else and that moment of silence bubbles up in my conscience.
In exit polls, 20% of voters ADMITTED that race was a factor in their
decision to vote for Hillary. That means that a whopping 20% admitted to racism.
How many more racially motivated votes were cast without admission?

How many people are voting like this without really thinking?

On the bright side we are raising a generation of kids who have allot less
racial motivation as witnessed by the young people flocking to the campaigns.

Unfortunately I do not have a solution here, but rather a a hope that people take
a few minutes to listen to the candidates. Listen to what they have to say regardless
of race or gender. We are a better country than a place where 20 percent of the
population votes because of race.

On Dating

The story is even better when you hear the recounting of the dates from hell that made up those 7.......on one date I was 100% convinced that she had set me up on candid camera. I was basically flying through the 7 so I could be done with it and tell her I met the goal. Classic me. But then I started really looking at it like a second job...and I began to relish the comedic opportunities my dating presented - I could be even more of the life of a party with the stories I began to share.And then after a little more time - I actually started meeting people that I could fathom actually seeing for a second date. Then friends started calling and telling me that knew someone I had to meet. It was all a very fascinating evolution.And then I met you......and wasn't ready to even think about dating just one person.....and because of that - over time, it became glaringly apparent that you were everything I had ever wanted or needed....and that being in your company was the best possible way to spend time (except with Riley, of course!).......and that I wanted the year of dating lots of people to be over so that 2008 could be the year when the rest of my life began.You can wipe the tear out of your eye now. :) You know I'm a total sap.

The Perfect Storm

Last year I wrote about OSU's improbable CWS win , this year was a lot more likely, nah not really -I can not write that with a straight face.

Darwin Barney actually said that we would have to work pretty hard to screw this up. Actually just get out of North Carolina's way and they will do that for you.

Its all about fundamentals, fielding a bunt, advancing a base or laying down a bunt. Well in a way it is, but a better analogy could be made comparing OSU baseball this year to the great snowstorm of 1995.

Last year the Tar Heels tried stealing home in the bottom of the eight in the deciding game and this year they tried to garner momentum by talking an extra base being four runs down. It is against conventional baseball wisdom but probably was the perfect thing to do.

First and third and two outs in the seventh for NC and a ball was ripped into the left field corner and off the bat I mentally had the score tied, but the ball (may I say bullet) went right to the left fielder. He did not have to move.

Somewhere in middle

America Get right to the heart of matters

It's the heart that matters more

I think you better turn your ticket in

And get your money back at the door

Because the Tar Heels ran into the Perfect Storm.

And that implores desperate matters.

Once again I salute North Carolina for sending the runner four runs down.

What else you going to do...

Vanity is Undressed

apparently I don't do it enough......

I spent the morning just writing programs with no contact at all with another human being....
I went for a run at lunch and as I was headed to the locker room I just checked in with
my super users (They test my programs)

Accountant - Are you Trying to make a Statement
Me - No why
Accountant - The shirt inside out....what is with that
Me - Oh fuck ( I love saying that to accountants) and I walked to the bathroom and put my shirt on correctly
and walked back into the room.
Me - Statement Made.
Young Female Accountant - well done.

and I walked down to the locker room...and went for a run....So this morning I wore my shirt the way it is suppossed to be worn for all of 2 minutes....The rest of the day I believe I wore it correctly.

Standing Up for What You Believe

How far does one really go in standing up for what you believe.

I was a vegetarian for 16 years and have backed off recently.

I want the kids to decide for themselves.

I do not believe in God. Well the idea of God and Jesus as portrayed
by the media and the churches.

I want the kids to decide for themselves. I hope they think like me.

Than there is God Dam Wal-Mart

Good Jobs First, a Washington, D.C., research group, reported that Wal-Mart has received more than $1 billion in subsidies from state and local governments around the country

Wal-Mart announced plans to close a store in Canada after the store's workers unionized

Ratio, in the United States, of the number of Wal-Mart employees to the number of high school teachers: 1:1[Wal-Mart (Bentonville, Ark.)/U.S. Census Bureau]»


Thats just a start.

I can not and will not ever shop at Wal-Mart.

In No One Makes You Shop at Wal-Mart: The Surprising Deceptions of Individual Choice, Tom Slee looks at how games theory and the theory of freedom of choice underlie most current economic thinking. Slee gives examples of how both liberal and conservative politicians in the English-speaking world hold up freedom of choice as an ideal to strive towards. But, says Slee, freedom of choice has some unrecognized effects, and he offers a wealth of entertaining examples of how freedom of choice in fact do not give us what we want.

And I choose not to shop at Wal-Mart

OSU and Being Bold

I sat and watched the college world series yesterday and it was an intriguing game. Oregon ended up winning 3 -2 with the game going to the final out .

One play sticks in my mind. The score was tied 2-2. Two balls and two strikes and 2 outs and what did North Carolina try to do; they tried stealing home. The man on third dashed toward home and slid head first.while the batter was swinging at the same place the man on third was sliding. And to complicate matters the pitcher for Oregon State un-corked the most perfect curve ball which the North Carolina batter had little chance of hitting thus making the steal of home a moot point.

That is not the point, I always consider anything from North Carolina as conservative but trying to steal home in the bottom of the eight with the score tied takes guts. I will always remember seeing that one play with a deviation of an inch either way may have changed the out come completely, ignoring the inherent danger of sliding headfirst into home as another person is swinging. It was good theatre and it was sports in its purest form.

Almost Murder of One

Almost Murder of One

I was walking along 25th and Davis and there
was a giant dumpster where some young adults
were tossing some junk into a dumpster.

They were basically cleaning out an old house.

All of sudden from the other side of the dumpster
a black disk came flying toward us.
Of course Marina asks what it was. I said to
her that it was an old photograph album.  It was
an old Peggy Lee record.

I, without thinking,  picked up the record and
tossed it back into the dumpster in an over head Ultimate
Frisbee kind of way.  It was funny how that record just took
flight.  It flew straight over the dumpster
and kept going and going.  

All the sudden I was worried
that this disk had hurt somebody.
I ran around the dumpster and the
and the three men had a startled look
on their faces.

I wonder if it would have hit them if
it would have actually chopped their heads off.

Luckily it missed.

This is very gay

I am sitting here reading a poll from my home town. (The Reading Eagle)
The poll asks.
Should the United States Constitution be amended to prohibit same-sex marriages? the results
58 percent said no and 42 percent said yes.

That my home town. Where gays are not all that common.
Its a blue collar town.

What the Fu*k does Congress think it is trying to accomplish by using
the constitution to ban gay marriage.

Remember the constitution was written back whem you had to pack, pack, pack
a musket just to get it to spray all over the place.

So heres my suggestion, for all all people who are insecure with their sexuality
and think a constitutional amendment is needed to keep ones sexual
dis-orientation.

Instead of a constitutional amendment (thats kind of permanant), so if you are wavering in
the wind and you want something to tell the world you are not gay, it is recomended to put
this classic on your muscle car. (As seen at the top of this brillant essay).

Thats the way a democracy works.

I am calling my congess person right now to ask to have those stupid mud flaps declared only legal on flag day. And yes I spelled that right.

Joe Sofa King Cool

The other day I pulled into another lane rather quickly as anther car stopped suddenly in front of me.

Of course I did not plan this thing out as I never realized that I was pulling out in from of one of the bigger flaming idiots on the planet

He was a flamer with an anger problem.

I pulled down my window and decided to listen to his poetic anger spewed wrath.

His words were something like this.

I am going to follow you and smash your car to pieces and then I am going to pull you out of the car and beat the living shit out of you….you stupid mother fucker.

As I was rolling up the window, I said to him.

Good Luck with that.

He peeled out.

A sure sign that he is cool.

He was driving a Camaro.

Another sign of cool ness.

Then we hit hit some more traffic by the Sylvan tunnel.

Somebody else pulled out in front of him.

I was off the hook for now.  

In the Swamp

In the swamp the water was disappearing,
this was the result of quirky repetitive
summers with little rain.
Most of the alligators had plenty of food to eat.
A small but growing number ate very little.
There was no in between.
The alligators felt pretty isolated and happy
as long as they were left alone.

Billy was a happy little alligator who had
lead this group through thick and thing. He was
always chasing the tail of another alligator but
he had a heart of gold.  It had been a long time
leading the alligators but it was time to go.
It was just an alligator tradition or maybe it
was alaw they had inscribed on some 200
year old Peat Bog.

A curious alligator who talked like a a very
simple alligator (wait a minute these alligators
are talking….its a kids story) really wanted to
lead the alligators just like tail chasing Billy.
The curious alligator was a little rabble rouser
as a kid and always seemed to get in trouble.
He would drink right out of coke bottles left
at the side of the swamp leaving many a
summer swamp picnic attending human
just saying. Huh…

Lamps (redux)

Well I have been trying to complete this car transaction with US Bank for a while.   I make an appointment for 5:30 yesterday and I had all the paperwork ready and I was somewhat excited about closing this transaction that has gone on way too long. I gave all the information to the bank officer and he said “Are you sure this transaction is with U/S. Bank”.  I pointed to where I had written it down and assured that it was.

Only one thing I had overlooked, I was sitting in a Washington Mutual Bank. Why does every Bank have be in the same place with some variation of Red, White and Blue. Those colours can be so over rated.

I went to the lamp hospital yesterday. I went to the store where I had purchased the one gigantic lamp . I asked the stock clerk (repair technician) if I could look at the floor model and could we take the basre apart to see how it works. He agreed so we set the lamp on its’ side so that we could see how the thing works. The technician walked to the back to get his tool chest as I stood next to the lamp lying on it side.  A customer walked into the store as I stood there and looked at the lamp then looked at me and said…

“You Killed It”

I replied. “Almost”  

The Revenge of the Lamps

The Revenge of the Lamps.

My favourite reading light keeps coming un-hinged at the base of it. It finally stopped working the other day and I put it to rest.   It is the same thing for my ultra fancy reading light that is supposed to also work.  Well it simply does not. I wrestled with that 40 pound marble base and after 30 minutes of haggling with it, we decided to cart it down stairs.  

I had recently brought a upright reading light upstairs that has the most beautiful lamp. The lamp is ceramic with all different colours. The base unlike all other lamps is stainless steel. It cast the perfect light for reading.  That was until yesterday. The fairly new lamp decided to join the rest of the broken lamps in the house hold. And unlike the rest it went down with a vengeance. We tried super gluing (I hope that is a verb) the metal pieces so that it once again rest on the light bulb. Super glue should be banned from this earth. Super glue attaches to the thing it should not attach to and of course glues everything you have not targeted for gluing.  The connecting pieces of my glue work popped out of place as soon as I walked away. Of course I put paper under the gluing project to avoid a larger scale mess. This of course caused a larger scale mess. The Sunday paper was now glued to the table.  I decided to throw away the super glue. It had caused enough damage. I put a stupid red lamp shade on the floor lamp. It looks like it is being punished.  I found the cap to the super glue fastened to the fire place mantle.

I scratch super glue off my hands all day long.

I remember Easter Sunday

I remember Easter Sunday 8 years ago.
it was Seattle and it was 80 degrees.
Marina was a one year old and we planted
plants in this planting box we had and
Marina got all dirty.

The flowers came up bright and when
expected, and for the life of me I can not get any
thing to grow in that flower box these days.

Maybe I am in need of some crop
rotation.

Maybe illegal drugs..

I remember Easter when I was a kid.
I got a book on base ball and ate an egg
or two. I read that book in the car on the way
to my grandmothers. I got car sick and threw up
the eggs.

I remember another Easter in Williamsburg Va
where we hid quarts of beer in trees.

The ones we did not find were really warm
when we found them.

I remember wearing a  new suit when I was really little.
I couldn’t move.   Kind of Christ Like.

Wild Mountain Thyme

For a while today I was very grumpy and if I had to venture a guess I would say depressed. I have been so overwhelmed and feel like I can not catch up with any thing, can not find serenity and quiet; and my concentration has been all over the place.  Or maybe it has been non existent.

I just have these thing fly at me and I know they are coming but for some reason only half the time I write them down. So I find out his morning that I start teaching tonight.
Just another blip on the cosmic bowling alley we call life.

O the summer time has come, and the trees are sweetly bloomingand the wild mountain thyme grows among the purple heather
Will you go, lassie, go?And we'll all go together,To pull wild mountain thymeAll across the blooming heatherWill you go, lassie, go?
I will build my love a bower by yon crystal flowing fountainAnd on it I shall pile all the flowers of the mountain
Will you go …
If my true love will not go, then I'll surely find anotherwhere the wild mountain thyme grows among the blooming heather
Will you go …
I will build my love a shelter by yon clear mountain streamAnd my love shall be the fairest that the summer sun has seen.
Will you go …

and a 5 miles run will cure anything.

Letter to I am not Quite sure

I absolutely refuse to be the person you think I am.
Now how hard was that to say?
That is the inherent beauty of being young.
You don’t have to
remember things like
long gas lines or
the bi-centennial.
And that is the built in force field
that comes with projecting your
self into the person you think I am.
Besides, I have no idea
where you are right now.
We line in the cell phone internet age and I
really want to find you on my own terms.
I have tried google searches and Internet
searches and yes indeed you have vanished
from this world;   well my world.
I can’t really say that I miss you, but I have spent
the last 20 years refusing to be the person that
you think I am.  

mid february

mid february
striving for spring unfolding
while snow lingers

while

falling slowly slow
undulating just thrashing
surrendering slowly

to

hearts woven passion
sharing amongst friends a
perfect evening

Bitch

I am sitting on the phone with Citibank customer service and I have been trying to take care of an insurance issue for about five weeks and they call me every morning and every time I get near solving the god dam mother piece of piss problem some stupid shit for brains non caring idiot hangs up on me and over worked no time in hell me never knows how to re connect with
the stupid phone and now I am sitting here listening to some tepid crackling piece of shit waitng for some dumbass to update my account information and ironically her dumbass name is Andrea and I now know the number for the hot line for problems such as this is 1-800-283-7918 and if I ever again have to call these dumb asses again for a measly 270.00 check that they have fucked up all out proportion I will gladly march all the way to New York and beat the living piss out of them..and of course I just got off the god damn phone with Schweta from God damn India and something tells me Miss dot com in the head has not fixed the crisis of the day and my
March to beat the piss out of some dumb ass non caring Indian may go across an Ocean.

Kid Things

Just think about something so every day and common and how special it is.
Spending time with you kids, as not every day your going to a theme park or the beach. Some days you just walk through life and the every day. Things that are taken for granted.

Just tossing a Frisbee back and forth is a prime example. A year ago, maybe it was a week ago my son could not toss a Frisbee but it seems like yesterday he was throwing every which way and making fantastic catches and actually concentrating through the entire toss and catch.

I simple walk with my daughter watching the sun set over a bird sanctuary. It is that simple but the time alone is precious. Just to listen to her talk, to see the world through her eyes, to just listen.

And then to go out to dinner with them later, it’s a marvel to watch. The know what to order in a Vietnamese restaurant.  Actually to take one step farther, they picked out the restaurant because that is what they wanted.  And they make the broccoli so perfect at
that Vietnamese restaurant. I can always eat off there plates and they can eat off of mine.

It seems that my oldest two have become more or less my equals. I still guide them,
and caress them, but I also live life with them…

CrossWords

Crosswords
The late night crossword puzzle ninety
percent solved lying on the kitchen table with
clues un answered as tomorrow’s paper
has just been delivered with answers to
yesterday’s questions, that usually go unread.

http://www.princeton.edu/~distract/puzzles/crosswords/597.jpg

And on rare occasion, when the puzzler,
the solver reads yesterdays answers they quietly
kick them self believing they knew the answer
and stored somewhere for another day rarely
retrieved left unresolved for another late night
crossword puzzle session.

Riding a Bike

I have never been a big fan of the riding my bike but recently I like the
freedom in doing it. I love going where ever I want to go and the sound of
the wind in my ears. The way the blue sky meets the green of the fir trees.
The way the legs burn when you decide to challenge a demanding hill.
And once again the phone does not ring.

It differs from team sports where a perfect throw also demands a catch on the other end.
riding a bike is not like that at all. Its just free form . An expression of ones self.