IIWII- Down the Aisle

Wow I proposed at a soccer game more than a year ago, which was one of the my greater days in life. All I wanted to do at that time is to be married to the girl I love. I forgot somewhere in that proposal was the promise that yes we would have a wedding. Its not a one day event rather a year long metaphor reminiscent of the build up to the Super Bowl. It Is What It Is. In the acronym filled corporate world we of course use acronyms and hence forth It Is What It Is will be referred to IIWII.

TO BE continued as I find free time.

I look forward to finding it.

Well it is 24 hours later and Jen got a ton of stuff done. She talked to the caterers and then to some others involved about the head count for the wedding. Of course that was ten minutes before I told her that there would be another other two year old at the wedding. Apparently I am clueless in this entire wedding process as to what is a Major issue and what is a Minor issue.

• whacks oneself on the head.
• writes not that i wont be able to read later.
• attacks next little fire.

Another Action Item- Find out when my Dad's flight arrives (I check off the task probably before I should have)

Dad - "All I know is that I am on flight 0610 on United."
I quickly look it up online and tell him 5:45.
Dad -"You have to add or subtract 3 hours to that"
Me - No that's time zone specific.

That's all my brain could handle, but soon Jen suggests we move the time of the family get together dinner. It amazes me when somebody has a complete project type of mind. Which I do not. I consider myself lucky to be walking down the aisle with somebody like that. Its pretty amazing. But what lingers in my wedding planning future. I am not in the mood to make a project plan.

To the best of my recollection we did not move the time of the family get together dinner. Thats a story for another day where I will not have time to write. But I can see it now, dinner at the Corbett Fish House (a place I truly adore), where I predict with tongue in cheek that these things will happen.

• Max devours 4 Oyster Shooters
• Riley invites Joel Prizbella as her date.
• Marina tells everybody about her deep absolute hatred of scallops
  

Back to the present for a moment. One thing we completely forgot about was that we had to get a marriage license. That is going to happen tomorrow and I am told I don't have to study for this. Much to the chagrin of my fellow co-workers I have not been able to put in sixty hour weeks, but I somehow had to draft a memo stating that I had to leave work early to get a marriage license.

In retrospect I was nervous about being late. Government agencies are a weird place to be in. Despite not being able to take a credit card or a check, YES CASH ONLY, they were all really nice and knew what thet were doing. Neither Jenna or I bothered to even write down the address on the Multnomah County Marriage License Place and both arrived at random places and times. At least the Multnomah County Marriage License Place staff knew what they are doing.

The other day I was sitting at my desk with these numbers on my scratch pad.

9636, 9701, 9715 9638

9536, 9636, 9717, 9228

One was a list of of the numbered pre wedding photos I had chosen for the sign in book. The other list were project id numbers for a report I was semi-mindlessly preparing. I just hope I didn't send Jen project ids. That may not end well. I am fairly confident I did not. And the last thing we need to working on at work is my wedding plans. I am capable of fumbling these by myself.

Then there is the subject of Haikus -Weasked people to submit Haikus along with thier invites.

Here are some examples

Elements of a good marriage....communication, humore, adventure, support, hugs, and lots lovin'?

Love and devotion, laughter, honesty, respect, Enduring Marriage

You only live once. Life is short. Have fun, fun, fun!

Open ears and heart yields forgiving nature. Contentment results.

Lifetime of smiles. sparkle in each other's eyes. Always, everywhere.

There are times when silence has the loudest voice.

To make great marriage use ears more often than mouth. Dogs have this down pat.

Two dry martinis mixed by him and shared with you. Relax at day's end.

Happiness is my wife walking away from me in her leather chaps. (Thanks Greg and Kris!!!)

The question of the day is whether they should be read just like this or whether the wedding team had editorial input. I say noy, but tahts a story for another day.

The Trail Blazers Enigma

This team always surprises me and I root for them more than any team I have ever rooted for. But Houston and McKenzie River we have a problem. It works like this.

• We are getting married next week.
• Weddings are expensive.
  
• We have tickets to all the games.
• The tickets are expensive.
• The second round of the playoffs will mostly be during wedding week where we will be away in McKenzie River and the Beach.
• It would be easier on our hectic lives if we did have to deal with the second round of the playoffs.
• Like Pavlov's Dog the trumpet calls.
• We want the Blazers to win it anyway.
• With all our hearts.
• We will deal with it then.

And then there is this series. One of the fruits of being a season ticket holder is you get to go to the game. That is if your schedule can afford it. I took an assignment to teach at night this month. I love teaching. It pays the bills. Well it actually only pays for Blazers tickets. Its known in some circles as disposable income.

But

• Our beloved Blazers seem to be playing on nights I teach.
• And I teach I must.
• Game 2 I left the class out early so that they would not get stuck in post game traffic.
• Meaning I could watch the rest of the game on television.

We play again next Tuesday the night I once again have class.

I need to hatch a plan.

I love You Now Have a Sex Change

Actress Lindsay Lohan and DJ Samantha Ronson flaunted their relationship from New York to Dubai. Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl" topped the charts. "The L Word," "Work Out," and "Top Chef" are featuring gay women on TV, and there's even talk of a lesbian reality show in the works.
Certainly nothing is new about women having sex with women, but we've arrived at a moment in the popular culture when it all suddenly seems almost fashionable -- or at least, acceptable.

Well in my opinion this makes a ton of cents.

• No problems with the toilet seat thing


• Things don't come in jars that need opening any more.
• Drills, Circular Saws and Dry Wall now are made for both sexes.
• Its all about communication, why learn a second language.
• No wet spot arguments. (Do people really argue about that?)
• If I were a woman, and I am not I would date a woman because they smell better and taste bettter.
• And Its Portland, Oregom where 11 out of 10 woman are dating woman.

April 17th

April 17th

A soccer game of sorts
where I got down on my
knees and asked the
girl I love to marry me.



One year ago today
and 20 days from now
we walk down the
aisle eternally.



And I thank you for
falling into my life like
glitter out of the
sparkle jet stream.

My New Friend the Blind Guy

Last Week

• I teach class at a local college.
• My style can be a bit random.
• I teach with the door open.
• I noticed an obviously blind guy walking down the hall.
• Yelling where is the recycling bin?
• Somebody pointed him to the trash can.
  
• I walked out of my class and pointed him to the recycle bin.
• He thanked Me.
• I walked back into my room and continued teaching.

This Week

• I walked into my school building and my new friend was looking for the elevator.
• I showed him where it was.
• He said Thank You.
• I went to my class and started teaching.
• I gave the students a lab and walked out in the hall and noticed my friend on a chair.
• I asked him what class he was taking.
• He answered "A Plus" a programming class.
• I told him I teach another programming class.
• I invited him to sit in the class some day.
• He said Thank You.
• and smiled.
• He asked me what kind of car did I drive because he could not hear it earlier in the parking lot.
• In my mind I tried to remember was he death or was he blind. (Its been a long day).
  
• I said a Prius then remembered they are very quiet cars.
  
• He said cool How long have you had it.
• I said its a year old. I l love the car.
• His Answer was "Can I drive it?"
• I went back to blindly teaching.
  

More DipShits

There is no research being done here and I do not watch this show at all except when my fiance had it on the other night for the 13 hour season finale.

This is the worst television I have ever seen. My fiance was watching it and I got a gist of what was going on.The guy is a FuckWad.....(But Mom approves)The little kid is being manipulated. -No comment needed.The dumpee (while hot) -should punch the other chick, Mommas boy and my television. The bachelor - will hit on the male host of the show eventually.the heir apperent - must give good head. So thats what i think of that collasal train wreck.

Speaking of train wrecks

Tonya Harding lashes out at President Obama

PORTLAND -- In a recent interview for HBO's "Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel," Oregonian and infamous figure skater Tonya Harding lashed out about President Obama’s use of her name in a past speech.
Back when he was still on the campaign trail in 2007, Barack Obama talked about how the pundits said he should “knee cap her” or “do a Tonya Harding on the front runner,” referring to his main contender at the time, then U.S. Senator Hillary Clinton

He has this country to think about, he has the candidacy to think about, he has the war to think about, and he has to bring me up? What the hell is important in this world today?” she responded.
“But guess what, I get jobs (BLOW JOBS) because he used my name on national television, because people forgive who Tonya Harding is. All publicity is good publicity.”

Winco House of Horrors

You know those couples where the guy is a complete dead beat and is incapable of doing anything. Well the other day we were in the Grocery store and the couple in front of had their provebial heads up their butt.

Winco, the fine (sic) grocery store and mis-fit collection that it is, requires customers to bag their own groceries. The couple in front of us had no grasp of this. As their groceries accumulated in the conveyor belt this couple just chitted and chatted and did nothing to get their groceries into bags. One must excuse my myopia as we were in a bit of a hurry as we were meeting somebody in the next hour.

Finally half the couple in front of us suddendly realized they had to bag. Of course Mr Man of the Couple just stood and chatted inane bullshit while his partner packed all of the groceries. I see this kind of behavior all the time. But this was a gay couple and it was a bit unexpected. Some people argue wrongly that giving gay couples the right to marry gives them extra rights.

I beg to differ, as was proven to me that one partner in a relationship being a complete tool and dip shit gives the entire gay community the absolute right to marry and prosper.

I am going to turn the economy around all by myself

Yes that is my job here to turn the economy around. Life is about perception. Our media does nothing but report bad news which of course feeds into the frenzy of gloom and doom and people react accordingly. No, not with an accordion, but rather people tend to fuel the fire with calculated reaction. That is they do predictable things such as not buying anything, well except beer, cigarettes and ,ironically the IRA of the ages, the fabled lottery ticket.

But when the news is happy and sunny people in this country buy real products like guns, high definition televisions and tickets to the opera. All are non essential but all part of a life worth living. (Not sure about the Guns) Well the intent of this blob (some call it a blog) is to turn the economy around with all the good news that is fit to print or just observations from happy people or in some cases delusional's with conviction.I just got my first sign that the world is going to be okay. Sent to me from my favourite Canadian on the planet and this is a startling photo. Not sure if it is photo shopped but, I don't ever remember seeing this in my sky. Canadian Geese have wonderful foresight and I know they are headed here.

And here is a nice little story from that psuedo monopoly up in Washington. At least when they fire people they seem to be doing it right. Do not click Here.

Slow Down

Life is way to busy. This week I have some tough times and some great times with my family and that is pretty cool thing.

Max was describing a kid in first grade (Max is in fifth) that he mentors. He described the kid like this.

"He cute , kind of the right size, he is kind like having an IPOD".

Riley says she gets home sick when she she is not at home and Marina is walking around the house beaming that she got 19 out of 17 on her math test.

And my wife to be is upstairs sleeping. She's hot even when she is sleeping.

The dryer is pounding away with Max's sneakers thumping on each side.

Other than that it is quiet.

its nice to slow down and take it all in.

Looking Rediculous

As we drive down the road, this time of year, there is always a guy dressed up like Uncle Sam waving a sign. The kids and I always have a good laugh as we lament that being a pretty bad job and we wonder how he feels. Lately on my evening runs I would stop on his street corner and have little inane conversations with him.

Discussions like "Hey is that outfit Tax Deductible"
"Ha Ha -No Its Not"

We had developed a banter.

Well today I ventured out to our usual Tuesday night run. I just wanted stop in and say hello to the couple setting the run whom had just had a baby. When I get there I had forgot the run was to celebrate the once flat chested mother's newly created breasts. Soon two girls pinned two inflated baloons on my jacket and I thought nothing about it. I needed to get home and finish the curry I was cooking at home. So a mile later whom do I run into but the guy dressed up like Uncle Sam waving a sign. He just looked at me in hysterics. He said nothing. Just laughed like crazy.

Which he was.

Key Things -Where are They

Key Ingredients

We have important day to day things that hold our lives together. These things change constantly and where we put them seem to change constantly.

My Substance

(For those scoring at home please list 10 physical items important in your day to day life and from memory and recall where they are right now) . Please do not include your spouse or partner because if you do not where they are you have bigger problems than locating your key.

Here are Mine

1. Keys - In the front room on the credenza - I think.
2. Jen's Keys - I have no idea.
3. My son Max's soccer stuff -that's his deal (trouble looming).
4. Work Badge -on the kitchen table (I think)
5. A1 Running Shoes - right behind me.
6. The New Submarines Cd - I wish I knew.
7. Lucy The Escape Beagle- snuggled with Jen in Bed. (I think).
8. The TV Remote -best guess the sofa cushions.
9. My Day Timer - By my keys. (One key item dependent on another may be a problem)
10. Tickets to The Next Blazers Game - (Right where they have been for the last five years)
    

And the bonus Question
When you meet somebody new how do you remember their name. (Just Circle One)

1. You are too busy worried about how you appear to them you never hear their name.
2. You use an association. Hi "My Name is Maria" . You think 'oh one of Columbus's sailing ships'.
3. You write the new name down some where.
4. I never really thought about it.
5. I just remember it comes easy to me.
6. Keys - I think they are in my jacket pocket- I think.
7. Other.

Math Is a Religion

Just observations on a Normal Wednesday

I am not a big fan of 8:00 meeting but today’s meeting was just perfectly fine. I walked away with very little action items and in general I feel pretty good. The curry from last night seems to be reminding me that I had curry last night.

My work place is crazy, or maybe I make it crazy. I have not been able to make it around to do my green belt training. Well I got a note today from the administrator that I have until May the 12th to get that done. Need to talk to my boss so that I can actually set aside that time to get it done. I have a habit of taking on too much and not doing this stuff, some call it being a victim, others simply a team player.

At 10:00 almost everyday the system churns to a crawl. Opening the simplest documents is a chore. Well I just had a brainstorm and of course off the cuff decided today it would be cool to join the Peace Corp. I think that’s an extension of the book I am reading as well as some of the mindless things we do during the day.

Well at least I got a walk in today. 1.5 miles but its better than a zero.

Spaghetti Tacos?

Wheat Free Pasta.

Your Own Sphegetti Sauce

Onions

Tomato

Lettuce

Hot Sauce

Cheese

Corn Taco Shells

Fill Tacos with Spaghetti and Sauce. Top with Cheese (first) tand what ever veggies that you want. It is very important to use Japanese Serving Bowls. This is according Riley. When the kids have something in mind by all means go with it.

My Loser Collection

People who work Hard at Being MisFits

I wonder where Richard Henry Berkey, 63, of Beaverton, is these days the world famous Peeping Dick

As well as Michael James Kuhnhausen, 58 the jizz Mopper by day and hit Man by night.

And then there is this recent legend who drives coolers around town on a cooler and gets a DUI.

And this woman whom she wasn't a sucker or an easy mark.

And this guy who doesn't like gay sweaters. McCain Unraveled by 'Gay Sweaters'?

Handy as I am

So the room upstairs needed an air conditioner. I purchased the air conditioner at Costco which is border line panic for me anyway. I am surprised I do not hate that place more than I do. Well it started getting hot this week so i decided to tackle the job of putting the air conditioner in.

With sweat on my brow and my glasses on I,

1. Read the instrucions (guys do that sometimes)
2. Get Drill , screw Driver etc.
3 Proceed.

For the most part I screwed where screwing was needed and put everything in place. One must remember we were three stories in the air and this 75 pound Air Conditioner was designed to dangle out the window. I am still skeptical.

Well everything was put in place and the damn window would not shut. So I called my neighbor over for a sanity check. It was not the perfect omen as he walked in looking like he escaped from the emergency room, apparently he had crashed his bike earlier in the day. So my neighbor checks my work and says it all looks pretty good and Bob almost proceeds to send the air conditioning unit hurtling to a three story demise. (Don't worry it would have died before hitting the ground, so I am told). We made a few adjustments and the window was fairly snug and the air conditioner seemed to be humming away and keeping the third story cool. Cool.

Until this morning, when we were sleeping at 6 oclock this morning and we were awakened by a really loud crashing sound.


I still don't know what that crashing sound was.

Obama on Race

I Remember growing up in Pennsylvania being told
that people of colour were different.
I was told to be afraid of them.
The trash can collection guy was very black.
I remember being afraid of him.
This little reflection stayed with me.
It was secretly ingrained in me,
and it came out one day in the break room of a part time job I had.


I was eating lunch with a girl who was black.
I never thought of her as being black.
She was a friend that I was having lunch with.
As I was eating my sandwich ,
and I took a chip out of the bag
and It was burnt and singed in a way.

Without thinking I reacted and
referred to the chip as a NIGGA chip...
A deadly silence ensued.
It was deadly silence that has stayed with me my
entire life.
I was stunned as I thought to my self that this type of
think was almost automatic when growing up in Pennsylvania.

It made me sick and changed my out look as how I looked at
race.

It was that moment of silence that has haunted me
for much of my adult life.

I watched the primaries in Pennsylvania, West Virginia and everywhere
else and that moment of silence bubbles up in my conscience.
In exit polls, 20% of voters ADMITTED that race was a factor in their
decision to vote for Hillary. That means that a whopping 20% admitted to racism.
How many more racially motivated votes were cast without admission?

How many people are voting like this without really thinking?

On the bright side we are raising a generation of kids who have allot less
racial motivation as witnessed by the young people flocking to the campaigns.

Unfortunately I do not have a solution here, but rather a a hope that people take
a few minutes to listen to the candidates. Listen to what they have to say regardless
of race or gender. We are a better country than a place where 20 percent of the
population votes because of race.

On Dating

The story is even better when you hear the recounting of the dates from hell that made up those 7.......on one date I was 100% convinced that she had set me up on candid camera. I was basically flying through the 7 so I could be done with it and tell her I met the goal. Classic me. But then I started really looking at it like a second job...and I began to relish the comedic opportunities my dating presented - I could be even more of the life of a party with the stories I began to share.And then after a little more time - I actually started meeting people that I could fathom actually seeing for a second date. Then friends started calling and telling me that knew someone I had to meet. It was all a very fascinating evolution.And then I met you......and wasn't ready to even think about dating just one person.....and because of that - over time, it became glaringly apparent that you were everything I had ever wanted or needed....and that being in your company was the best possible way to spend time (except with Riley, of course!).......and that I wanted the year of dating lots of people to be over so that 2008 could be the year when the rest of my life began.You can wipe the tear out of your eye now. :) You know I'm a total sap.

The Perfect Storm

Last year I wrote about OSU's improbable CWS win , this year was a lot more likely, nah not really -I can not write that with a straight face.

Darwin Barney actually said that we would have to work pretty hard to screw this up. Actually just get out of North Carolina's way and they will do that for you.

Its all about fundamentals, fielding a bunt, advancing a base or laying down a bunt. Well in a way it is, but a better analogy could be made comparing OSU baseball this year to the great snowstorm of 1995.

Last year the Tar Heels tried stealing home in the bottom of the eight in the deciding game and this year they tried to garner momentum by talking an extra base being four runs down. It is against conventional baseball wisdom but probably was the perfect thing to do.

First and third and two outs in the seventh for NC and a ball was ripped into the left field corner and off the bat I mentally had the score tied, but the ball (may I say bullet) went right to the left fielder. He did not have to move.

Somewhere in middle

America Get right to the heart of matters

It's the heart that matters more

I think you better turn your ticket in

And get your money back at the door

Because the Tar Heels ran into the Perfect Storm.

And that implores desperate matters.

Once again I salute North Carolina for sending the runner four runs down.

What else you going to do...

Vanity is Undressed

apparently I don't do it enough......

I spent the morning just writing programs with no contact at all with another human being....
I went for a run at lunch and as I was headed to the locker room I just checked in with
my super users (They test my programs)

Accountant - Are you Trying to make a Statement
Me - No why
Accountant - The shirt inside out....what is with that
Me - Oh fuck ( I love saying that to accountants) and I walked to the bathroom and put my shirt on correctly
and walked back into the room.
Me - Statement Made.
Young Female Accountant - well done.

and I walked down to the locker room...and went for a run....So this morning I wore my shirt the way it is suppossed to be worn for all of 2 minutes....The rest of the day I believe I wore it correctly.

Standing Up for What You Believe

How far does one really go in standing up for what you believe.

I was a vegetarian for 16 years and have backed off recently.

I want the kids to decide for themselves.

I do not believe in God. Well the idea of God and Jesus as portrayed
by the media and the churches.

I want the kids to decide for themselves. I hope they think like me.

Than there is God Dam Wal-Mart

Good Jobs First, a Washington, D.C., research group, reported that Wal-Mart has received more than $1 billion in subsidies from state and local governments around the country

Wal-Mart announced plans to close a store in Canada after the store's workers unionized

Ratio, in the United States, of the number of Wal-Mart employees to the number of high school teachers: 1:1[Wal-Mart (Bentonville, Ark.)/U.S. Census Bureau]»


Thats just a start.

I can not and will not ever shop at Wal-Mart.

In No One Makes You Shop at Wal-Mart: The Surprising Deceptions of Individual Choice, Tom Slee looks at how games theory and the theory of freedom of choice underlie most current economic thinking. Slee gives examples of how both liberal and conservative politicians in the English-speaking world hold up freedom of choice as an ideal to strive towards. But, says Slee, freedom of choice has some unrecognized effects, and he offers a wealth of entertaining examples of how freedom of choice in fact do not give us what we want.

And I choose not to shop at Wal-Mart