Wednesday, September 23, 2009

18 things to teach your sons about women

We hope to rid the male sex of all the things that make us rant by raising boys with balanced male and female perspectives. Here are the 19 things we'll teach them.

1. Pick your battles. (Argue what you know not what you do not know..The Toilet Seat is not a battle)

2. Walk on the outside (closer to the street) of your female companion. (Or she will push you into traffic if you do not follow number 1.)
3. Saying "You're being crazy" is never an appropriate response, unless you want her to go postal on you. The Frisky: How to keep the crazy at bay ("Is it me who is crazy" is also not appropriate)
4. Cooking, cleaning, and taking care of kids are things men can actually do as well as women. (Do not let them know that or you will be doing it)
5. Keep backup supplies of quality chocolate in the house for her to raid. (That includes beer)
Don't Miss
The Frisky: 5 things I'd do differently in single life
The Frisky: What future father will teach his son about women
The Frisky: 5 things I'd do differently if I re-lived my single life
6. Buying tampons and other feminine products shouldn't embarrass you --everyone knows they're not for you. (Actually relish these moments because she is crazy at this point)
7. Women like compliments and gifts. The Frisky: Is chivalry sexist? You are really good with a crockpot is not really either.
8. Earning less than her shouldn't be emasculating. The Frisky: Why marrying for money isn't a totally bad idea
9. Be on time, even if she usually isn't. (And if she is always on time she may not be a girl -check first)
10. Don't be a pouty puppy when shopping with her. (Actually pouty is never good. By all means if you can just avoid shopping altogther. In other words stick with what you know.)
11. Find out what her favorite flower is. The Frisky: 5 easy chivalrous moves to get the girl
12. If you like her, then don't buy her shoes; it's bad luck. (Actually, snow shoes will do the trick)
13. Smiling and nodding aren't the same as listening. (My son was doing this as I read this list to him)
14. It's OK to cry in front of her, but keep the blubbering to a minimum. (Actually never use the word blubber in her company)
15. Personality goes a long way. (And lack of the ability to laugh ones self is deal killer)
16. At some point she'll be more important than your mother. (And guess what you are grounded)
17. You will never completely understand women. (Son master calculus or compete in the tour d.France. Its easier)
18. Oh yeah, and no woman will ever be good enough for my baby
19. Understand this now. Just put the toilet seat down or somebody is going to drown.