Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Random Communication Notes

Using "I" Message

An effective way to talk to your partner is
through "I" messages—statements that describe your
feelings and tell how you are affected by your
partner's behavior. "I" messages can express
emotions in a way that is not threatening as they focus
on the speaker's feelings and not blaming the
"I" messages are very different from a "you"
message. "You" messages place blame and judge the
other person based on their behavior. "You" messages
often trigger defensiveness or hostility your partner
and tend to increase conflict. Think about how you
feel when you hear
"You always..." or "You never...."

Different Communication Styles

Different Communication Styles
Communication plays a very
important role in partners being satisfied in their
marriage. If you would like better communication
with your partner, it's good to understand some of the
differences in communication styles.

One partner may be more expressive. Expressive
people like to share emotions and feelings. They look
for real-time feedback or responses.

Task- or Fact-oriented
Another partner might seldom talk about
feelings, and may use facts instead of emotions, as in:
"I feel that I'm not making enough money." This
person is looking for acceptance of his/her point of
view, not emotions.


Three Things I Love and Hate About You
This exercise will truly be helpful if both the individuals practice it honestly. Both the partners should have a piece of paper in their hand and they should write three things that they love and hate about their respective other. Make sure you practice this exercise alone where there is peace and quiet, you'll then give this list to each other. Now, without getting offended or too happy about the list take the three things which your partner hates about you into serious consideration and feel happy about the things that your spouse loves about you. Think how you can be a better partner to your spouse and thank him/her for being truthful.

You Have to Listen
Remember that communication is a two-way street, you have to listen to the other person and listening with open ears and full concentration is always appreciated. 90% of problems in a marriage happen because one out of the two is not listening attentively to what the other is saying. Listening carefully to what your spouse has to say and giving each other importance is essential. Just remember your dating period, you two were so much in love and use to give each other opinions so much importance. You have to follow the same thing in a marriage.

Positive Speaking and Healthy Words
Another reason for lack of communication in marriage is because of negative speaking. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to understand that positive speaking is better than negative speaking. Speaking harsh words may hurt your partner and she/he may feel attacked and insulted. If you are not comfortable with something, then its good to speak up and let them know but it's also advisable to be polite and gentle while speaking. Speaking positive words is a great communication exercises for married couples.

Stop Assumptions
Another good couples communication exercises that you can follow is being non judgmental. I've seen it many times and even you're mature enough to know it that making assumptions always lands you in trouble. When you make assumptions, you start projecting something that hasn't happened yet and this embarks a string of fights and misunderstandings. So it is better that you stop making assumptions and think from both sides of the coin.

These were some basic communication exercises for married couples which help establish effective communication between them. There might be times when your spouse may hesitate to speak fearing how the conversation may turn out. In such times, it's very necessary that you support her/him and let her/him be comfortable and free.
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