Texting From a Unicycle - A Dangerous Novel

---Note this is Purely Fiction as Part of National Book Writing Month--

There is no such thing as a perfect fall day, but if there was today was one of them. The winds were whipping like crazy and the sky was clearer than I can remember. But to be quite honest I am not the the best at remembering things. My forte is actually forgetting things.

How in the world did I get into this business. I used to have this great corporate job with a drawer full of paper clips and assorted colored sticky notes. A pay check came every other week. It just showed up in the bank. And now for a living I have short circuited that loop. I now rob banks for a living.

And in today's newspaper the local paper has front page head lines of a serial bank robber on the loose. Damn not great timing.

PORTLAND, Ore. -- The FBI calls him the Fantasia Bandit for allegedly robbing the Fantasy Adult store on W. Broadway twice. But on Tuesday the armed robber was fingered for the fourth Hollywood-area bank heist in three weeks, according to FBI spokesperson Beth Anne Steele.
The MBank branch at 3636 NE Broadway was hit just before 2 p.m. “No sooner did I get back from lunch I noticed there were quite a few police cars canvassing the area,” said Bryan Andersen who works across the street at Mackin’s Auto Body.

Not a great day to be a bank robber. It looks like I am going to have to take the day off. Well not take the day off, but rather think about making an honest living or at least a living that won't have me ending up in jail. But I love the thrill of it. What fun was it stealing paper clips and note books from my more conventional job.

But it was a steady income. And being a border line substance abuser and non successful gambling addict I need this second job. But for today I just stroll down 29Th avenue admiring the remaining golden maple leaves that dot the Northwest skies. It's an ever changing sky and today the sky in in its brilliant black and purple hint at chaos.

When did we as a society get obsessed or taught to be obsessed with things such as erectile dysfunction and pissing too many times in a day. Its nice that spam marketers have as a target market a certain part of my body.

I remembered I had three beers in the frig, a half pound of ham and 4 bags of those Tostitos which I have nothing to scoop up. The little bills I had I have paid in cash but things were running rather thin. My head pounded from the soberness of it all. The bright after noon sun made my eyes heart and my mouth was dry.

The idea of robbing banks was glamorous to him, but looking at his hierarchy of needs it was food on the table and a few bottles of beer in the refrigirator that where the utmost concern to him. A cozy dark bar sat on the south east corner of the intersection where he now stood.

For a second he pondereed, walking into the pool hall. The pool hall and the seemingly happy people milling about brought a quiet comfort to him; he hated to admit it but at his core he was quite lonely. He also remembered that he had little money on him and this constant reminder hung over him like the constant threat of rain in the Pacific NorthWest.

The laundramat on the opposite corner was almost as inviting with its constant humming and warmth eminating from the dryers.