Therefore I love

today i eschew so few cashews

tomorrow abhoring whoring

how boring

health care reform 

 is less

care for the careless

insuring insurers

echew tissues

its baseball season

its spring and this

time next week

it won't be

for the tulip in my

yard won't be

and your two lips

will be kissing

me

on spring break

a break from

spring and

spring onions

happily

Just random stuff....

Just random stuff....

Marina Plays Softball
Got a call from our daughter last night and she says she has made the softball team. I honestly do not think she knows which way to run the bases. But bless her for trying and I get not wait to lace it up with her.

Dinner at Montage
Had dinner with a friend from high school last night. It is such a pleasure to me to have a deep conversation that sometimes veer beyond my thinking for that night.  Much like running with Sprocket years ago..He was fast as hell and made me faster. Having dinner with Steve reminded me of a group in high school that kind of raised my ship a little. They expanded me to think that I could do calculus and go out for plays

Tragically Hip
Listening to the latest tragically Hip cd and remember driving around with my wife the week we got married. I had that cd on alot. I still listen to it a lot.   Sometimes this song brings a tear to my eyes. It is beautiful.

In the Intro to this Song
He talks about about pointing out  the moon to a little boy...Which I remember so fondly. Both kids liked looking at the moon. Even though Max could only call it ...Mun.

My wife and I went for a bike ride Today.
Purchased a nice bike with mu wife at a great little Mom and pop shop. Love the customer service and loved just wheeling around town. Look foeward to doing some riding on the washington coast this weekend.

And a little walk with Lucy
And ran into an old friend. Well shes not old but I am. And she has been there on and off for so many years and I appreciate that.

Usually I write about something, today I just dabble in nothing in particular, realizing that i am pretty lucky.





I usually write about something,

I had a dream

I had a dream last night last night. I also had a stomach problem last night which led to a lot of light sleeping and I could remember my actual dreams.
In one I was in a bathroom somewhere, any where and so an oldish lady kept getting up on the counter and smashing into the mirror with her shoulder.
Analysis - I am crazy.  Obviously Sigmund Frued would say say sometimes an old lady on a sink is simply an old lady on a sink.

I also had a dream where I was working away in a cubicle and a lady in a blue dress was sitting above my cubicle. I did not look at her and all I know there was somebody in a flowing blue dress above my cubicle.
Analysis once again I am crazy. But some quick searches lends this..

To dream that you are dreaming, signifies your emotional state. You are excessively worried and fearful about a situation or circumstance that you are going through. Maybe thats true or possible a fortune cookie response.

The Apple Never Falls Far from the Apple Sauce

I was standing in the kitchen the other day and Marina tells me about a conversation that she had with GrandPop.


She told me that GrandPop called her on the cell phone and asked her how her girlfriend is doing. Upon a little investigation I finally put two and two together.Dad’s intent was to actually call Max on the Phone.
But of course he dialed Marina,

Thinking he was talking to Max he said, “How is your Girlfriend?”
And Marina answered the phone and never indicated that she was not Max.
And she went about her day never thinking twice about it.
Until I was standing in the kitchen with her and she asked me why GrandPop thinks she has a girlfriend.

Max's First Date

Avatar behind the scenes


So it happens to all parents. We left Max’s soccer game on Saturday (they lost 9-7) to an adventure of different sorts. Yes Max had a date. I had the pleasure of picking up Max’s friend (girl friend) at her house on Saturday afternoon.

I have no idea the proper etiquette here. Should I contact her parents should I take pictures, should he pay should they go dutch, should it come out of his allowance. I asked how should I refer to her as his friend, his girl friend or what. “Just call her Alin he said.

Max is usually a bit of a show off when he has friends over. He is never really good in those situations, but he was completely at ease and he is way beyond where I was at his age. He was a perfect gentleman. They hugged when they saw each other.

I picked them up after the movie and they were just sitting in subway enjoying each others company. They wanted to go to Annie’s Donuts but it was closed.

We (Marina and I) gave Alin a ride home after the movie. Marina told her we were a strict Catholics. Which scared her for 2 seconds until Marina burst out laughing? Alin felt at home.

Doing HomeWork with RCM

RCM -Parent Interviews
Riley had a home work assignment to interview her parents and grand parents and I had my turn last night.

Here were some of the questions.

What was your favourite/least favourite subjects in school.  Do you give them the answer they want or the answer that is yours.  Well to be honest I do not know the answer to this. So I went with Literature as my favourite (I love reading anything new) and Wood Shop as my least favourite (who knew Fiberglass could catch on fire).

There was a question about dating and I told the true story of sprinting the last half mile of a daily run so that I could get home and ask Jenna to go out with me. It was some where in the last half mile of that run that it cliqued that I should and wanted to date the girl i eventually did  marry.

And If I had any advice what would it be?

1. Do what you love (So cliched and so true). Thats probably why I am a sitting here writing instead of working right now. 
2. Be uncomfortable Once in a While -We grow that way doing things we are not comforable with. I became a better runner running with people way faster than myself. I also watch my older daughter playing VollyBall with players that may be way better than her and she has gotten quite good. I remember hanging out with the smart kids in school and it sure helped me alot more than my usual sports and get into trouble friends.

Most Significant School Moment- Quitting Football and trying out for the play.  Please see Number 2.

I enjoy these little assignments. The other day Riley wrote a paper on How Cancer Cells Work.  It was a great read and I actually learned something along the way. Same as I did with the above Interview.

Greatest love story Never told

By me

Two years ago to the day, I got home from work at around 8:30 having just finished year end close. I honestly had no plans and I do not actually remember making any plans for the evening but the details are kind of sketchy.

The expanding past- As things get further and further

into the past they expand at an exponential

pace sometimes obscuring the truth.

Well Jen (this story ends well) had gone to the midnight run and pounded a few beers with her at the time best friend (i will call her Teresa). She may have called me to tell me she was coming over or maybe she didn't but I remember sitting on the sofa drinking a beer (it may have been a bad beer) and I get a call from Miss Jen that she was headed over to my house.

I forgot -What I neglected to remember is that this was not

entirely out of the blue as she had been

to the house a few weeks earlier as she made/bought

me dinner from Ernesto's after an ill fated 31 mile

run across wild trail.

Well a girl I was really hot for was coming over to the house in 45 minutes and I contemplated cleaning the entire house, or lighting candles or having another beer. I did one of these and long behold Jen shows up post run, post beer with the movie (I may screw this up) "Sleepless in Seattle. It was some Meg Ryan movie, and I know it wasn't you got mail.

You got female. It was somewhere around 1:30 in the morning

we sat down on the couch in my newly cleaned

house and watched that movie. I remember nothing about

the movie, but we smooched and kissed and

all that kind of stuff.

We got very little sleep that night.

The next day i was in a daze and

actually wrecked a baby stroller.

(This part of the tale is absolutely true).

We ended up dating, and getting married so today is not actually our anniversary. Its actually (TFDWST). I'll leave it at that. I love you my dear. Happy anniversary of sorts.

ode. for xmas tree

this
year's
Christmas
tree was bought
from a little vintage
shop up the road that
we carried by hand and paid
in cash and it lived and sparkled
with us for three weeks like part of
the family just shiny brilliantly, just like
any other blessed family member would for
only on this day
Christmas
2009 Happy
Holidays

Christmas Traditions

Start a Christmas tradition by adopting this elf from Santa's workshop who checks on your child's behavior and reports back to Santa every night, finding a new hiding place in the house every morning on his return. Fun for the whole family

But our family had traditions that where off the shelf.

1. Oh By Gosh By Golly

Like this crazy ass song. We all know it as Oh By Gosh By Golly. My uncle played it over and over again on his school record player. Washed down with a few high balls.

2.The Electric Knife

Then there is the time honoured tradition of the sporting event on the television. Grandmother Schofer always started the electric knife with a minute left in the game. So we never knew who won. I always love after dinner when some lady in a large fir coat from the neighborhood stopped by. They were such colorful characters.

3. The off the wall Gift.

MomMom was a classic for giving the unexpected. One year we got a big pot with an American flag, another year we all got a safe. I still have that safe. It keeps things safe. Same with the big pot and the flag. Not sure what that does.

4. Copes Corn

For generations, John Cope's Food Products has been producing dried sweet corn from varieties that are grown in the heart of the Pennsylvania Dutch Country. These naturally sweeter varieties are harvested in the early stages of maturity, processed, then air dried to remove the moisture, preserve the nutrients, and impart the golden color and toasted sweet corn flavor. I still have not figured this one out.

5. Crab, Shrimp and French fries -Not sure when this tradition started. Circa 1989 . But this one I love, Seafood for the holidays. Reminds me we have to order our crab today.

Unfateful Faith

Faith is an absolute weird thing, and I must stand back and reflect when people have this much faith in anything. I do not even have faith that our brand new washing machine will get the wash clean.

Have faith this link will work

Bartow, Florida (CNN) -- After more than three decades in prison, a Florida man was set free Thursday after a DNA test showed he did not kidnap and rape a 9-year-old boy in 1974.
"I'm not angry," James Bain, 54, told reporters after a brief hearing in Bartow, Florida.
Bain was 19 when he was convicted on charges of kidnapping, burglary and strong-arm rape. He received a life sentence. He's going home for the first time in 35 years.
"I got God in my head," said Bain, surrounded by supporters and wearing a T-shirt with "Not Guilty" across the front. "I knew one day he will reveal me."

Then the families of these climbing victims know their loved ones are in heaven. I can not even imagine what heaven looks like, but something tells me it is not full of white clouds and angels. And the faith they had on the weather and their fitness. That's faith of a different kind. Based on a little experience.

GOVERNMENT CAMP, Ore. -- The family members of the two climbers still mis

sing on Mt. Hood said they've come to terms with the reality that they won't see their loved ones alive again and they're at peace, knowing Katie Nolan and Anthony Vietti are in heaven now.

These stories compelling and disturbing as they are show people at peace based on something completely unknown to me but known to others. I tip my hat to them.

WTF

Just for the hell of it I am saving this as a place holder as I happen to like it.

Why would anybody cheat on their good looking wife with a horse.

It looks like we out sourced being stupid to Japan

My mother in law threatened to throw brussel sprouts at my wife.

My sister in law loudly proclaimed "I did not know you had a gay brother" to my step dad, who prefers to keep it low key.

My wife had a zit on her face and my grandmother asker her if It is that time of month.

Back to my mother in law she thinks she is in Denver. She is not.

Back to my mother in law she called her son a shit.

Back to me, I can not fing my cell phone, my car keys and theintake valve to our fuel tank.

The Suburbs Suck

Beaverton Stole Jesus Christ

BEAVERTON, Ore. -- Christmas hasn't arrived for the Eichnebergers until the family Nativity has gone up out front of their Beaverton home. Bonnie Eichenberger says it gives her "a warm feeling inside."
"The neighbors love it, too, and it just reminds us of what Christmas is all about," she added.
A Nativity scene depicts the biblical story of Jesus Christ's birth to the Virgin Mary, in a Bethlehem manger, along with witnesses to the miracle.
On Tuesday, someone stole Jesus.
Eichenberger said she was shocked to find her manger empty - and called to report someone had stolen Jesus Christ.
"I asked the police officer if he could put out an A-P-B for baby Jesus," chuckled Eichenberger, referring to a crisis-emergency response from police. “I knew it would be hard to find him but it just really upset me that somebody would do that."
Why would someone steal baby Jesus, Bonnie asked her husband Wednesday.
But thieves were not done. The Eichenbergers awoke Thursday to find their Nativity further desecrated.
"I went outside, and Joseph and Mary were gone, too!" Bonnie said.

A-P-B for baby Jesus (Anywhere Probably Beaverton)

Wash. student gets tongue stuck to flagpole

VANCOUVER, Wash. – It sounded like something out of the popular holiday movie, “A Christmas Story” but it was actually a real-life drama for a Vancouver boy whose tongue got stuck to a flagpole in below-freezing temperatures outside his school Wednesday morning

What the FU**.

West Linn librarian in trouble for using profanity in class

Some parents of West Linn middle school students are angry that their children were exposed to vulgar language by their teacher. They hoped to share their frustrations with the school board Monday night.
The parents complained that they were never asked or even told that their children’s librarian was going to write and use profanity as part of a lesson on controversial books.
However, when they heard what happened afterwards, from their 8th grade children, the parents said they were furious and in disbelief. They said the teacher exposed their kids to more than a dozen curse words.
“There was the “F-word” and another foul word written on the board. The teacher yelled them at the kids and then asked the kids to yell them back at him," said parent Elizabeth Thiede. She also explained that her child was upset by the display that was apparently carried out as part of a language arts unit at Athey Creek Middle School.

F**king Idiots

Teenage hunter shot by uncle
Victim wore camo, not orange, say authorities
By John Erickson
Monday, December 7, 2009
In what Yamhill County authorities are calling a tragic accident, a 15 year old hunter has been shot and killed by his uncle--who thought he was taking aim at an elk.
Matthew Gretzon of Salem was hunting with his father, his uncle Troy Gretzon of Grand Ronde, and Troy's 11-year old daughter Sunday morning when the uncle fired his rifle into heavy brush where an elk had been seen earlier, said Yamhill County Sheriff's Captain Ken Summers.

Tales From Advantage Island

I may not get all of the facts straight here as in times of crisis things are interpreted in different ways to different people and things are heard how you want to hear them.

Case in point (Snippets from a Conversation in the Emergency Room)

My Lovely Wife (talking to her semi lucid loopy Mother) -Mom you might go home someday in the near future.
Her Wise Ass Brother James - Mom do you understand what we are talking about here.
My Lovely Wife - Mom some things are going to have to change when you get home.
Marilyn (GG) - breathe gasp breathe gasp silence deep breath I know
My Wife like drinking and smoking
Maralyn (GG) - breathe gasp breathe gasp silence deep breath I know
My wife How does that make you feel?
Maralyn (GG) - PWERHORIFUL (It was unclear the answer)

James heard -Powerful
Jenna heard -Strong
Mark heard -Horrible.


To make a long story short my mother in law has been on her death bed for somewhere between the last 9 nine days or the last 3 and a half years how ever you want to define it.

Well to be more specific the last seven days have been without a moment of levity since she decided to call the paramedics and have an ambulance take her to the hospital. One would think three weeks of not holding anything down would be a hint, but who are we to judge until we have walked a mile in their colon.

I have not seen her for various reasons that are beyond the scope of this introspection. I am not going into the details of the 20 minutes before going into the hospital as they were very funny for our own reasons that are between myself my wife and her brother. We were tired and we were giddy.

So we get into the hospital and James and Jen ask me to wait in the waiting room just to get me clearance to the emergency room. (They warned me that their mother was not in a pretty state (IE New Hampshire)). I sat in the waiting room and read Yoga magazine. As I was viewing a photo of a delicate woman with a yoga mat in a hut in Liberia, James came out with a deer in the head lights look on his face. He looked at me with a WTF look and said his Mom looks better than she has looked in days.

I walked into the room and GG did in fact look much better than I expected and to top things off she was talking. Jenna asked where she was and who was in the room with her.

She said Mark and James and Jenna and curiously Phil. (None of us were able to actually see this Phil person, but we are fairly certain James later ran into him at Starbucks) Jenna asked her where she was right now.

She said she was on an island in Ireland called Advantage Island. Wondering how her mom would interpret the many tubes, machines, nurses that surrounded her, she asked - then who is Justin and why is he here with us? (Justin was the ICU nurse) Her mom replied - he is my therapist. Jenna asked her, "so you travel with your therapist?" Yes.

Jenna's mom despises therapists. We all looked at each other with a collective WTF.

She then said that she wanted a drink.
Jen asked her to repeat that.
She then said that she wanted to drink.

I interpreted that she wanted some wine and La Familla Bruner thought she wanted some water in her dry mouth. Happilly La Familla Bruner were used to this ritual.

Later that night James asked the Nurse on duty to confirm that she did not know where she was.

Nurse -Marilyn we have gone over this before, What has happened to you.
Marilyn (GG) -I had my tummy worked on.
Nurse -What hospital are you in.
Marilyn (GG) - St. Vincent
Nurse - Where is St Vincents
Marilyn (GG) - Beaverton

Apparently she was pulling our legs.
Or you have to know what questions to ask.
James as were walking out. (somewhat to himself) -Hell of a time to spin a tale.

19 things that I am thankful for

Health , Friends and Family are a given but a shout out non the less.

In the last year I married a wonderful woman, Max is blossoming with hiccups, Marina is at peace on a blessed path and Riley enlightens everything she touches.

1. Patience
2. Music
3. Portland Timbers Games
4. Public Radio
5. Portland Pilots Woman's Soccer
6. My neighbors -We are blessed with great ones.
7. Our neighborhood - Hollywood district in Portland is fantastic.
8. Fences that most of the time keep bad beagles in the yard.
9. Morning Star Farm sausage patties
10. Autumn
11. The McKenzie River
12. The Wild Wood Trail
13. Learning with my Wife
14. My job is stable and somewhat fun.
15. Chutney
16. That grey blanket we got as a wedding present.
17. The fireplace.
18. Going for a walk with my wife.
19, The new tragically Hip cd.
20 . Spring Onions

Another Case if Ill Fated OutSourcing

Starry-eyed children writing letters to the jolly man at the North Pole this holiday season very likely won't get a response from Santa Claus or his helpers.
The U.S. Postal Service is dropping a popular national program begun in 1954 in the small Alaska town of North Pole, where volunteers open and respond to thousands of letters addressed to Santa each year. Replies come with North Pole postmarks.

Well it seems the Postal Service has decided to Out Source this still popular Service. For awhile they were going to go the traditional route and have this done in China or possibly India. Spokesperson Clave Cliffin, says of the move "we do not have the expertise or manpower to cross that religious divide. Christmas is all about religion and Christ and giving those to a non Christian country would be sack religious.(sic).

Well Cliffin expanded on this and has told our sources that they intend to hit the ball out of the park with their new out sourcing option So apparently Jesus him self along with some of his disciples will be filling the role this year. Bartholomew, the self centered wacko disciple has opted out as he will be at the his sister in laws house in Bethlehem Pennsylvania. Jesus seems quite pleased with his new found duties. He says he got some great paper and some great ideas for heart felt notes. "Jesus Christ how hard could it be" he added.

Oprah and Aristotle sitting in a tree

These lyrics to a song by Low
I'll stay out all night
Looking at the sky
I'll still have my sight
Yeah, I'll still have my eyes
And we will make love
We won't have to fight
We won't have to speak
And we won't have to lie
And I'll stop writing songs
Stop scratching out lines
I won't have to fake
And it won't have to rhyme
When I go deaf
When I go deaf
When I go deaf
When I go deaf (etc)


Now thats a unique way to avoid miscommunication.


This is what the fat Lady Sings

They (so called experts) sum up in three "acts" the breakdowns and breakups of most relationships since the beginning of time:
Act 1: You hurt me.
Act 2: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you.
Act 3: Because you hurt me, I now hurt you and so you hurt me again and so I hurt you -- and downward spiraling we shall go.

Aristotle says: "Anybody can become angry -- that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."

I am not a couples expert but this seems so on the button.

Gottman's 3 conflict strategies:
• Avoidance/stonewalling (the worst)
• Fighting (better than avoidance, but still not healthful or helpful)
• Validation (the winning method -- which means really trying to see things from the other person's point of view, and sharing all views with kindness, and the goal of finding a win-win compromise!)

So I think Aristotle had it partially right but something in my memory tells me that he lived in a different time at a slower pace with less technology and he may have been gay (like that matters but 2 people of the same sex seem to fight more fair) but he is a bit on to something.

But trying to see things from the other persons point of view is so darn essential and if you simply ask your self in the middle of that conflict “I wonder how that makes her feel” no matter if you are wrong or you are right you well along the road to “sane discourse”.

We all want to be right, but its okay to be wrong gracefully. Its an art form and work on perfecting it.

But what makes Aristotle so smart, or for that note, me so smart or my wife so smart. Well you appear smarter when acting out of kindness.

There is a lot of literature out there that we reward kids for too many things, ie participating. Those so Called Experts (TSCE) say we should be rewarding them for winning. Boy that kicks conventional wisdom right in the teeth and at times other places. As we age and mature it is not always about winning or being right.

And by all means listen. Perfect it. And listen to your self.

Listen and Silent have the same letters in them.

On a side note some times I perceive our therapist needs more help than we need help and Oprah and Aristotle would have had nice babies.

Not Half Slow or Half Full or Half Fast

My oh my there are a lot of bad news out there. I just learned a very dear friend has been diagnosed with a grim out look for what is left of her life. It is times like this I wish life was
a bit more fair and I had a little more faith.

Last weeks headlines were of shootings in Fort Dix. Yesterday a gunman in Tualatin and
today a family in Bethany is erased from what can be a lovely planet.
One of the kids at my son's school came home from out door school to learn that his mother and sister had been shot. Holy shit, talking about real life knocking you silly and numb.
I have my own personal belief about guns and personally abhor guns but I do not believe guns are the core of the problem.

We as a society in the United States have very little compassion for those in need, for
those with a lack of hope.

For now I am just going to list a few great things in life.

1. The love of friends and family. It might be a cliche of sorts, but its a shame if it is. The simpleness of friends and family should be cherished, nurtured and not taken for granted. Take a few minutes to just reflect back on that. Its beautiful simple thing.

2. Movement - A body in motion is a mind in motion, use them both as they are at your core.

3. Music - If if sounds good it is good. If it moves you get moving.

4. Listen -it has the same letters as silence.

5. Change - 2 months ago the trees were green, the days hot and sunny and tomatoes were hanging on to the last rays of summer. Today we had thunder and lightning and the sky was brilliant hue of angry purple. Both beautiful in its own regard. Each day is unique and beautiful if you let it be.

My friend has a few precious weeks to live and as far as I know I have many many two weeks to live. I am grateful for that.

Just listen

Sometimes Music Hits The Ear Just Right

Fall is a time I generally trend toward classical music. I have no idea why and in general I really do not care all that much. I still remember the first time I heard Edward Elgar's music I was sitting at my desk working a dull cost accountant job for Godiva Chocolatier. It was early fall and was the same time period ironically I was also introduced to the Tragically Hip, The Cowboy Junkies and 10000 Maniacs. It was a time when my musical curiosity was exploding but I kept taking sojourns into classical music. To be honest, I may have initially listened to it because I could listen to it at my desk and not offend too many people. Ironically I remember a few years later an obnoxious co worker being offended by Mozart's variation on a theme. Accountants are not all that cultured.

Anyway back to Elgar.

Completed in 1919, the Cello Concerto was Edward Elgar's last major work for orchestra, and his most confessional. In spite of fleeting moments of idyllic release, it's dominated by disillusionment, by a sense of suffering that at times cries out against life, yet more often speaks in quiet anguish. Elgar had been ill, and he was deeply depressed by the Great War's destruction of the world he had known. All of this he poured into a concerto for the cello — not such an unlikely instrument, considering its rich-toned yet brooding personality and its searing, dark timbre.

As Peter Shickley often suggests, if it sounds good, It is good. In this case Elgar's piece always means autumn to me. Its a simple expression of the human soul and for me coming to terms with the darkness and rich beauty that comes with autumn. It also hints at hope as I envision a simple yellow leave fall to the ground only to fertilize the ground for next spring. Give it a listen here if so compelled. It sounds good Mr. Schickley.

Texting From a Unicycle - A Dangerous Novel

---Note this is Purely Fiction as Part of National Book Writing Month--

There is no such thing as a perfect fall day, but if there was today was one of them. The winds were whipping like crazy and the sky was clearer than I can remember. But to be quite honest I am not the the best at remembering things. My forte is actually forgetting things.

How in the world did I get into this business. I used to have this great corporate job with a drawer full of paper clips and assorted colored sticky notes. A pay check came every other week. It just showed up in the bank. And now for a living I have short circuited that loop. I now rob banks for a living.

And in today's newspaper the local paper has front page head lines of a serial bank robber on the loose. Damn not great timing.

PORTLAND, Ore. -- The FBI calls him the Fantasia Bandit for allegedly robbing the Fantasy Adult store on W. Broadway twice. But on Tuesday the armed robber was fingered for the fourth Hollywood-area bank heist in three weeks, according to FBI spokesperson Beth Anne Steele.
The MBank branch at 3636 NE Broadway was hit just before 2 p.m. “No sooner did I get back from lunch I noticed there were quite a few police cars canvassing the area,” said Bryan Andersen who works across the street at Mackin’s Auto Body.

Not a great day to be a bank robber. It looks like I am going to have to take the day off. Well not take the day off, but rather think about making an honest living or at least a living that won't have me ending up in jail. But I love the thrill of it. What fun was it stealing paper clips and note books from my more conventional job.

But it was a steady income. And being a border line substance abuser and non successful gambling addict I need this second job. But for today I just stroll down 29Th avenue admiring the remaining golden maple leaves that dot the Northwest skies. It's an ever changing sky and today the sky in in its brilliant black and purple hint at chaos.

When did we as a society get obsessed or taught to be obsessed with things such as erectile dysfunction and pissing too many times in a day. Its nice that spam marketers have as a target market a certain part of my body.

I remembered I had three beers in the frig, a half pound of ham and 4 bags of those Tostitos which I have nothing to scoop up. The little bills I had I have paid in cash but things were running rather thin. My head pounded from the soberness of it all. The bright after noon sun made my eyes heart and my mouth was dry.

The idea of robbing banks was glamorous to him, but looking at his hierarchy of needs it was food on the table and a few bottles of beer in the refrigirator that where the utmost concern to him. A cozy dark bar sat on the south east corner of the intersection where he now stood.

For a second he pondereed, walking into the pool hall. The pool hall and the seemingly happy people milling about brought a quiet comfort to him; he hated to admit it but at his core he was quite lonely. He also remembered that he had little money on him and this constant reminder hung over him like the constant threat of rain in the Pacific NorthWest.

The laundramat on the opposite corner was almost as inviting with its constant humming and warmth eminating from the dryers.

Sprinting Toward DunceHood (STD's)

Sprinting Toward Dunce Hood

If I ever have to talk to Sprint Customer Service again in my life please put me out of my misery. I happen to be the worst phone person on the planet , (actually probably many planets)
and Sprint happens to have the worst customer Service that I have ever experienced.


So i cancelled their piece of crap phones basically because of their inane customer service.
So I am here with a phone bill with a phone number that has not been used in 2 years.

One would think that is a slam dunk as I try to cancel an account.

But of course I did what any sensible person would do, I destroyed all the pins to an account that I do not have.


And of course for all 7 people I had to talk to I needed the stupid god damn pin.
It used to be in my wallet on a blue piece of paper but it is not anymore.


I talked to Lesley and she was lost and she transferred me to some lady who would only give me her employee number.

Then Sandra wanted my pin and eventually Nicky got into my account just asking for the account number. She said she reversed what was left of the bill and promptly transferred me to

Otis F***en Thorpe Employee Number WQ895955 an Account Manager in Account Services.

I asked Nicki if the big O (Otis) needed my PIN and Nicki assured me she did not.

Me - Hi Otis I would like to cancel my account.

The Big O- May I have your PIN please.?

(Calculation on Probability on Arnie's words being random.)
So
Back 'o the envelope calculation: assuming every gubernatorial communication had seven lines, separated into a group of 4 and 3, the probability that it would spell the phrase shown is 5.519648 x 10^-12. Very Large
Since most communications are not in this format, this is probably an over estimate. In short, it is not a chance event.




So my response to Sprint

F irst your service is bad
U nless you hate
C ustomers
K nowing that

Y our phones suck
O ut loud and your company is
U seless.