Tuesday, February 05, 2008
On Dating
The story is even better when you hear the recounting of the dates from hell that made up those 7.......on one date I was 100% convinced that she had set me up on candid camera. I was basically flying through the 7 so I could be done with it and tell her I met the goal. Classic me. But then I started really looking at it like a second job...and I began to relish the comedic opportunities my dating presented - I could be even more of the life of a party with the stories I began to share.And then after a little more time - I actually started meeting people that I could fathom actually seeing for a second date. Then friends started calling and telling me that knew someone I had to meet. It was all a very fascinating evolution.And then I met you......and wasn't ready to even think about dating just one person.....and because of that - over time, it became glaringly apparent that you were everything I had ever wanted or needed....and that being in your company was the best possible way to spend time (except with Riley, of course!).......and that I wanted the year of dating lots of people to be over so that 2008 could be the year when the rest of my life began.You can wipe the tear out of your eye now. :) You know I'm a total sap.
Monday, June 25, 2007
The Perfect Storm
Last year I wrote about OSU's improbable CWS win , this year was a lot more likely, nah not really -I can not write that with a straight face.
Darwin Barney actually said that we would have to work pretty hard to screw this up. Actually just get out of North Carolina's way and they will do that for you.
Its all about fundamentals, fielding a bunt, advancing a base or laying down a bunt. Well in a way it is, but a better analogy could be made comparing OSU baseball this year to the great snowstorm of 1995.
Last year the Tar Heels tried stealing home in the bottom of the eight in the deciding game and this year they tried to garner momentum by talking an extra base being four runs down. It is against conventional baseball wisdom but probably was the perfect thing to do.
First and third and two outs in the seventh for NC and a ball was ripped into the left field corner and off the bat I mentally had the score tied, but the ball (may I say bullet) went right to the left fielder. He did not have to move.
Somewhere in middle
America Get right to the heart of matters
It's the heart that matters more
I think you better turn your ticket in
And get your money back at the door
Because the Tar Heels ran into the Perfect Storm.
And that implores desperate matters.
Once again I salute North Carolina for sending the runner four runs down.
What else you going to do...
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Vanity is Undressed
apparently I don't do it enough......
I spent the morning just writing programs with no contact at all with another human being....
I went for a run at lunch and as I was headed to the locker room I just checked in with
my super users (They test my programs)
Accountant - Are you Trying to make a Statement
Me - No why
Accountant - The shirt inside out....what is with that
Me - Oh fuck ( I love saying that to accountants) and I walked to the bathroom and put my shirt on correctly
and walked back into the room.
Me - Statement Made.
Young Female Accountant - well done.
and I walked down to the locker room...and went for a run....So this morning I wore my shirt the way it is suppossed to be worn for all of 2 minutes....The rest of the day I believe I wore it correctly.
I spent the morning just writing programs with no contact at all with another human being....
I went for a run at lunch and as I was headed to the locker room I just checked in with
my super users (They test my programs)
Accountant - Are you Trying to make a Statement
Me - No why
Accountant - The shirt inside out....what is with that
Me - Oh fuck ( I love saying that to accountants) and I walked to the bathroom and put my shirt on correctly
and walked back into the room.
Me - Statement Made.
Young Female Accountant - well done.
and I walked down to the locker room...and went for a run....So this morning I wore my shirt the way it is suppossed to be worn for all of 2 minutes....The rest of the day I believe I wore it correctly.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Standing Up for What You Believe
How far does one really go in standing up for what you believe.
I was a vegetarian for 16 years and have backed off recently.
I want the kids to decide for themselves.
I do not believe in God. Well the idea of God and Jesus as portrayed
by the media and the churches.
I want the kids to decide for themselves. I hope they think like me.
Than there is God Dam Wal-Mart
Good Jobs First, a Washington, D.C., research group, reported that Wal-Mart has received more than $1 billion in subsidies from state and local governments around the country
Wal-Mart announced plans to close a store in Canada after the store's workers unionized
Ratio, in the United States, of the number of Wal-Mart employees to the number of high school teachers: 1:1[Wal-Mart (Bentonville, Ark.)/U.S. Census Bureau]»
Thats just a start.
I can not and will not ever shop at Wal-Mart.
In No One Makes You Shop at Wal-Mart: The Surprising Deceptions of Individual Choice, Tom Slee looks at how games theory and the theory of freedom of choice underlie most current economic thinking. Slee gives examples of how both liberal and conservative politicians in the English-speaking world hold up freedom of choice as an ideal to strive towards. But, says Slee, freedom of choice has some unrecognized effects, and he offers a wealth of entertaining examples of how freedom of choice in fact do not give us what we want.
And I choose not to shop at Wal-Mart
I was a vegetarian for 16 years and have backed off recently.
I want the kids to decide for themselves.
I do not believe in God. Well the idea of God and Jesus as portrayed
by the media and the churches.
I want the kids to decide for themselves. I hope they think like me.
Than there is God Dam Wal-Mart
Good Jobs First, a Washington, D.C., research group, reported that Wal-Mart has received more than $1 billion in subsidies from state and local governments around the country
Wal-Mart announced plans to close a store in Canada after the store's workers unionized
Ratio, in the United States, of the number of Wal-Mart employees to the number of high school teachers: 1:1[Wal-Mart (Bentonville, Ark.)/U.S. Census Bureau]»
Thats just a start.
I can not and will not ever shop at Wal-Mart.
In No One Makes You Shop at Wal-Mart: The Surprising Deceptions of Individual Choice, Tom Slee looks at how games theory and the theory of freedom of choice underlie most current economic thinking. Slee gives examples of how both liberal and conservative politicians in the English-speaking world hold up freedom of choice as an ideal to strive towards. But, says Slee, freedom of choice has some unrecognized effects, and he offers a wealth of entertaining examples of how freedom of choice in fact do not give us what we want.
And I choose not to shop at Wal-Mart
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
OSU and Being Bold
I sat and watched the college world series yesterday and it was an intriguing game. Oregon ended up winning 3 -2 with the game going to the final out .
One play sticks in my mind. The score was tied 2-2. Two balls and two strikes and 2 outs and what did North Carolina try to do; they tried stealing home. The man on third dashed toward home and slid head first.while the batter was swinging at the same place the man on third was sliding. And to complicate matters the pitcher for Oregon State un-corked the most perfect curve ball which the North Carolina batter had little chance of hitting thus making the steal of home a moot point.
That is not the point, I always consider anything from North Carolina as conservative but trying to steal home in the bottom of the eight with the score tied takes guts. I will always remember seeing that one play with a deviation of an inch either way may have changed the out come completely, ignoring the inherent danger of sliding headfirst into home as another person is swinging. It was good theatre and it was sports in its purest form.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Almost Murder of One
Almost Murder of One
I was walking along 25th and Davis and there
was a giant dumpster where some young adults
were tossing some junk into a dumpster.
They were basically cleaning out an old house.
All of sudden from the other side of the dumpster
a black disk came flying toward us.
Of course Marina asks what it was. I said to
her that it was an old photograph album. It was
an old Peggy Lee record.
I, without thinking, picked up the record and
tossed it back into the dumpster in an over head Ultimate
Frisbee kind of way. It was funny how that record just took
flight. It flew straight over the dumpster
and kept going and going.
All the sudden I was worried
that this disk had hurt somebody.
I ran around the dumpster and the
and the three men had a startled look
on their faces.
I wonder if it would have hit them if
it would have actually chopped their heads off.
Luckily it missed.
I was walking along 25th and Davis and there
was a giant dumpster where some young adults
were tossing some junk into a dumpster.
They were basically cleaning out an old house.
All of sudden from the other side of the dumpster
a black disk came flying toward us.
Of course Marina asks what it was. I said to
her that it was an old photograph album. It was
an old Peggy Lee record.
I, without thinking, picked up the record and
tossed it back into the dumpster in an over head Ultimate
Frisbee kind of way. It was funny how that record just took
flight. It flew straight over the dumpster
and kept going and going.
All the sudden I was worried
that this disk had hurt somebody.
I ran around the dumpster and the
and the three men had a startled look
on their faces.
I wonder if it would have hit them if
it would have actually chopped their heads off.
Luckily it missed.
Monday, June 05, 2006
This is very gay
I am sitting here reading a poll from my home town. (The Reading Eagle)
The poll asks.
Should the United States Constitution be amended to prohibit same-sex marriages? the results
58 percent said no and 42 percent said yes.
That my home town. Where gays are not all that common.
Its a blue collar town.
What the Fu*k does Congress think it is trying to accomplish by using
the constitution to ban gay marriage.
Remember the constitution was written back whem you had to pack, pack, pack
a musket just to get it to spray all over the place.
So heres my suggestion, for all all people who are insecure with their sexuality
and think a constitutional amendment is needed to keep ones sexual
dis-orientation.
Instead of a constitutional amendment (thats kind of permanant), so if you are wavering in
the wind and you want something to tell the world you are not gay, it is recomended to put
this classic on your muscle car. (As seen at the top of this brillant essay).
Thats the way a democracy works.
I am calling my congess person right now to ask to have those stupid mud flaps declared only legal on flag day. And yes I spelled that right.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Joe Sofa King Cool
The other day I pulled into another lane rather quickly as anther car stopped suddenly in front of me.
Of course I did not plan this thing out as I never realized that I was pulling out in from of one of the bigger flaming idiots on the planet
He was a flamer with an anger problem.
I pulled down my window and decided to listen to his poetic anger spewed wrath.
His words were something like this.
I am going to follow you and smash your car to pieces and then I am going to pull you out of the car and beat the living shit out of you….you stupid mother fucker.
As I was rolling up the window, I said to him.
Good Luck with that.
He peeled out.
A sure sign that he is cool.
He was driving a Camaro.
Another sign of cool ness.
Then we hit hit some more traffic by the Sylvan tunnel.
Somebody else pulled out in front of him.
I was off the hook for now.
Of course I did not plan this thing out as I never realized that I was pulling out in from of one of the bigger flaming idiots on the planet
He was a flamer with an anger problem.
I pulled down my window and decided to listen to his poetic anger spewed wrath.
His words were something like this.
I am going to follow you and smash your car to pieces and then I am going to pull you out of the car and beat the living shit out of you….you stupid mother fucker.
As I was rolling up the window, I said to him.
Good Luck with that.
He peeled out.
A sure sign that he is cool.
He was driving a Camaro.
Another sign of cool ness.
Then we hit hit some more traffic by the Sylvan tunnel.
Somebody else pulled out in front of him.
I was off the hook for now.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
In the Swamp
In the swamp the water was disappearing,
this was the result of quirky repetitive
summers with little rain.
Most of the alligators had plenty of food to eat.
A small but growing number ate very little.
There was no in between.
The alligators felt pretty isolated and happy
as long as they were left alone.
Billy was a happy little alligator who had
lead this group through thick and thing. He was
always chasing the tail of another alligator but
he had a heart of gold. It had been a long time
leading the alligators but it was time to go.
It was just an alligator tradition or maybe it
was alaw they had inscribed on some 200
year old Peat Bog.
A curious alligator who talked like a a very
simple alligator (wait a minute these alligators
are talking….its a kids story) really wanted to
lead the alligators just like tail chasing Billy.
The curious alligator was a little rabble rouser
as a kid and always seemed to get in trouble.
He would drink right out of coke bottles left
at the side of the swamp leaving many a
summer swamp picnic attending human
just saying. Huh…
this was the result of quirky repetitive
summers with little rain.
Most of the alligators had plenty of food to eat.
A small but growing number ate very little.
There was no in between.
The alligators felt pretty isolated and happy
as long as they were left alone.
Billy was a happy little alligator who had
lead this group through thick and thing. He was
always chasing the tail of another alligator but
he had a heart of gold. It had been a long time
leading the alligators but it was time to go.
It was just an alligator tradition or maybe it
was alaw they had inscribed on some 200
year old Peat Bog.
A curious alligator who talked like a a very
simple alligator (wait a minute these alligators
are talking….its a kids story) really wanted to
lead the alligators just like tail chasing Billy.
The curious alligator was a little rabble rouser
as a kid and always seemed to get in trouble.
He would drink right out of coke bottles left
at the side of the swamp leaving many a
summer swamp picnic attending human
just saying. Huh…
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Lamps (redux)
Well I have been trying to complete this car transaction with US Bank for a while. I make an appointment for 5:30 yesterday and I had all the paperwork ready and I was somewhat excited about closing this transaction that has gone on way too long. I gave all the information to the bank officer and he said “Are you sure this transaction is with U/S. Bank”. I pointed to where I had written it down and assured that it was.
Only one thing I had overlooked, I was sitting in a Washington Mutual Bank. Why does every Bank have be in the same place with some variation of Red, White and Blue. Those colours can be so over rated.
I went to the lamp hospital yesterday. I went to the store where I had purchased the one gigantic lamp . I asked the stock clerk (repair technician) if I could look at the floor model and could we take the basre apart to see how it works. He agreed so we set the lamp on its’ side so that we could see how the thing works. The technician walked to the back to get his tool chest as I stood next to the lamp lying on it side. A customer walked into the store as I stood there and looked at the lamp then looked at me and said…
“You Killed It”
I replied. “Almost”
Only one thing I had overlooked, I was sitting in a Washington Mutual Bank. Why does every Bank have be in the same place with some variation of Red, White and Blue. Those colours can be so over rated.
I went to the lamp hospital yesterday. I went to the store where I had purchased the one gigantic lamp . I asked the stock clerk (repair technician) if I could look at the floor model and could we take the basre apart to see how it works. He agreed so we set the lamp on its’ side so that we could see how the thing works. The technician walked to the back to get his tool chest as I stood next to the lamp lying on it side. A customer walked into the store as I stood there and looked at the lamp then looked at me and said…
“You Killed It”
I replied. “Almost”
Monday, April 17, 2006
The Revenge of the Lamps
The Revenge of the Lamps.
My favourite reading light keeps coming un-hinged at the base of it. It finally stopped working the other day and I put it to rest. It is the same thing for my ultra fancy reading light that is supposed to also work. Well it simply does not. I wrestled with that 40 pound marble base and after 30 minutes of haggling with it, we decided to cart it down stairs.
I had recently brought a upright reading light upstairs that has the most beautiful lamp. The lamp is ceramic with all different colours. The base unlike all other lamps is stainless steel. It cast the perfect light for reading. That was until yesterday. The fairly new lamp decided to join the rest of the broken lamps in the house hold. And unlike the rest it went down with a vengeance. We tried super gluing (I hope that is a verb) the metal pieces so that it once again rest on the light bulb. Super glue should be banned from this earth. Super glue attaches to the thing it should not attach to and of course glues everything you have not targeted for gluing. The connecting pieces of my glue work popped out of place as soon as I walked away. Of course I put paper under the gluing project to avoid a larger scale mess. This of course caused a larger scale mess. The Sunday paper was now glued to the table. I decided to throw away the super glue. It had caused enough damage. I put a stupid red lamp shade on the floor lamp. It looks like it is being punished. I found the cap to the super glue fastened to the fire place mantle.
I scratch super glue off my hands all day long.
My favourite reading light keeps coming un-hinged at the base of it. It finally stopped working the other day and I put it to rest. It is the same thing for my ultra fancy reading light that is supposed to also work. Well it simply does not. I wrestled with that 40 pound marble base and after 30 minutes of haggling with it, we decided to cart it down stairs.
I had recently brought a upright reading light upstairs that has the most beautiful lamp. The lamp is ceramic with all different colours. The base unlike all other lamps is stainless steel. It cast the perfect light for reading. That was until yesterday. The fairly new lamp decided to join the rest of the broken lamps in the house hold. And unlike the rest it went down with a vengeance. We tried super gluing (I hope that is a verb) the metal pieces so that it once again rest on the light bulb. Super glue should be banned from this earth. Super glue attaches to the thing it should not attach to and of course glues everything you have not targeted for gluing. The connecting pieces of my glue work popped out of place as soon as I walked away. Of course I put paper under the gluing project to avoid a larger scale mess. This of course caused a larger scale mess. The Sunday paper was now glued to the table. I decided to throw away the super glue. It had caused enough damage. I put a stupid red lamp shade on the floor lamp. It looks like it is being punished. I found the cap to the super glue fastened to the fire place mantle.
I scratch super glue off my hands all day long.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
I remember Easter Sunday
I remember Easter Sunday 8 years ago.
it was Seattle and it was 80 degrees.
Marina was a one year old and we planted
plants in this planting box we had and
Marina got all dirty.
The flowers came up bright and when
expected, and for the life of me I can not get any
thing to grow in that flower box these days.
Maybe I am in need of some crop
rotation.
Maybe illegal drugs..
I remember Easter when I was a kid.
I got a book on base ball and ate an egg
or two. I read that book in the car on the way
to my grandmothers. I got car sick and threw up
the eggs.
I remember another Easter in Williamsburg Va
where we hid quarts of beer in trees.
The ones we did not find were really warm
when we found them.
I remember wearing a new suit when I was really little.
I couldn’t move. Kind of Christ Like.
it was Seattle and it was 80 degrees.
Marina was a one year old and we planted
plants in this planting box we had and
Marina got all dirty.
The flowers came up bright and when
expected, and for the life of me I can not get any
thing to grow in that flower box these days.
Maybe I am in need of some crop
rotation.
Maybe illegal drugs..
I remember Easter when I was a kid.
I got a book on base ball and ate an egg
or two. I read that book in the car on the way
to my grandmothers. I got car sick and threw up
the eggs.
I remember another Easter in Williamsburg Va
where we hid quarts of beer in trees.
The ones we did not find were really warm
when we found them.
I remember wearing a new suit when I was really little.
I couldn’t move. Kind of Christ Like.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Wild Mountain Thyme
For a while today I was very grumpy and if I had to venture a guess I would say depressed. I have been so overwhelmed and feel like I can not catch up with any thing, can not find serenity and quiet; and my concentration has been all over the place. Or maybe it has been non existent.
I just have these thing fly at me and I know they are coming but for some reason only half the time I write them down. So I find out his morning that I start teaching tonight.
Just another blip on the cosmic bowling alley we call life.
O the summer time has come, and the trees are sweetly bloomingand the wild mountain thyme grows among the purple heather
Will you go, lassie, go?And we'll all go together,To pull wild mountain thymeAll across the blooming heatherWill you go, lassie, go?
I will build my love a bower by yon crystal flowing fountainAnd on it I shall pile all the flowers of the mountain
Will you go …
If my true love will not go, then I'll surely find anotherwhere the wild mountain thyme grows among the blooming heather
Will you go …
I will build my love a shelter by yon clear mountain streamAnd my love shall be the fairest that the summer sun has seen.
Will you go …
and a 5 miles run will cure anything.
I just have these thing fly at me and I know they are coming but for some reason only half the time I write them down. So I find out his morning that I start teaching tonight.
Just another blip on the cosmic bowling alley we call life.
O the summer time has come, and the trees are sweetly bloomingand the wild mountain thyme grows among the purple heather
Will you go, lassie, go?And we'll all go together,To pull wild mountain thymeAll across the blooming heatherWill you go, lassie, go?
I will build my love a bower by yon crystal flowing fountainAnd on it I shall pile all the flowers of the mountain
Will you go …
If my true love will not go, then I'll surely find anotherwhere the wild mountain thyme grows among the blooming heather
Will you go …
I will build my love a shelter by yon clear mountain streamAnd my love shall be the fairest that the summer sun has seen.
Will you go …
and a 5 miles run will cure anything.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Letter to I am not Quite sure
I absolutely refuse to be the person you think I am.
Now how hard was that to say?
That is the inherent beauty of being young.
You don’t have to
remember things like
long gas lines or
the bi-centennial.
And that is the built in force field
that comes with projecting your
self into the person you think I am.
Besides, I have no idea
where you are right now.
We line in the cell phone internet age and I
really want to find you on my own terms.
I have tried google searches and Internet
searches and yes indeed you have vanished
from this world; well my world.
I can’t really say that I miss you, but I have spent
the last 20 years refusing to be the person that
you think I am.
Now how hard was that to say?
That is the inherent beauty of being young.
You don’t have to
remember things like
long gas lines or
the bi-centennial.
And that is the built in force field
that comes with projecting your
self into the person you think I am.
Besides, I have no idea
where you are right now.
We line in the cell phone internet age and I
really want to find you on my own terms.
I have tried google searches and Internet
searches and yes indeed you have vanished
from this world; well my world.
I can’t really say that I miss you, but I have spent
the last 20 years refusing to be the person that
you think I am.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
mid february
mid february
striving for spring unfolding
while snow lingers
while
falling slowly slow
undulating just thrashing
surrendering slowly
to
hearts woven passion
sharing amongst friends a
perfect evening
striving for spring unfolding
while snow lingers
while
falling slowly slow
undulating just thrashing
surrendering slowly
to
hearts woven passion
sharing amongst friends a
perfect evening
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Bitch
I am sitting on the phone with Citibank customer service and I have been trying to take care of an insurance issue for about five weeks and they call me every morning and every time I get near solving the god dam mother piece of piss problem some stupid shit for brains non caring idiot hangs up on me and over worked no time in hell me never knows how to re connect with
the stupid phone and now I am sitting here listening to some tepid crackling piece of shit waitng for some dumbass to update my account information and ironically her dumbass name is Andrea and I now know the number for the hot line for problems such as this is 1-800-283-7918 and if I ever again have to call these dumb asses again for a measly 270.00 check that they have fucked up all out proportion I will gladly march all the way to New York and beat the living piss out of them..and of course I just got off the god damn phone with Schweta from God damn India and something tells me Miss dot com in the head has not fixed the crisis of the day and my
March to beat the piss out of some dumb ass non caring Indian may go across an Ocean.
the stupid phone and now I am sitting here listening to some tepid crackling piece of shit waitng for some dumbass to update my account information and ironically her dumbass name is Andrea and I now know the number for the hot line for problems such as this is 1-800-283-7918 and if I ever again have to call these dumb asses again for a measly 270.00 check that they have fucked up all out proportion I will gladly march all the way to New York and beat the living piss out of them..and of course I just got off the god damn phone with Schweta from God damn India and something tells me Miss dot com in the head has not fixed the crisis of the day and my
March to beat the piss out of some dumb ass non caring Indian may go across an Ocean.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Kid Things
Just think about something so every day and common and how special it is.
Spending time with you kids, as not every day your going to a theme park or the beach. Some days you just walk through life and the every day. Things that are taken for granted.
Just tossing a Frisbee back and forth is a prime example. A year ago, maybe it was a week ago my son could not toss a Frisbee but it seems like yesterday he was throwing every which way and making fantastic catches and actually concentrating through the entire toss and catch.
I simple walk with my daughter watching the sun set over a bird sanctuary. It is that simple but the time alone is precious. Just to listen to her talk, to see the world through her eyes, to just listen.
And then to go out to dinner with them later, it’s a marvel to watch. The know what to order in a Vietnamese restaurant. Actually to take one step farther, they picked out the restaurant because that is what they wanted. And they make the broccoli so perfect at
that Vietnamese restaurant. I can always eat off there plates and they can eat off of mine.
It seems that my oldest two have become more or less my equals. I still guide them,
and caress them, but I also live life with them…
Spending time with you kids, as not every day your going to a theme park or the beach. Some days you just walk through life and the every day. Things that are taken for granted.
Just tossing a Frisbee back and forth is a prime example. A year ago, maybe it was a week ago my son could not toss a Frisbee but it seems like yesterday he was throwing every which way and making fantastic catches and actually concentrating through the entire toss and catch.
I simple walk with my daughter watching the sun set over a bird sanctuary. It is that simple but the time alone is precious. Just to listen to her talk, to see the world through her eyes, to just listen.
And then to go out to dinner with them later, it’s a marvel to watch. The know what to order in a Vietnamese restaurant. Actually to take one step farther, they picked out the restaurant because that is what they wanted. And they make the broccoli so perfect at
that Vietnamese restaurant. I can always eat off there plates and they can eat off of mine.
It seems that my oldest two have become more or less my equals. I still guide them,
and caress them, but I also live life with them…
Thursday, July 07, 2005
CrossWords
Crosswords
The late night crossword puzzle ninety
percent solved lying on the kitchen table with
clues un answered as tomorrow’s paper
has just been delivered with answers to
yesterday’s questions, that usually go unread.
http://www.princeton.edu/~distract/puzzles/crosswords/597.jpg
And on rare occasion, when the puzzler,
the solver reads yesterdays answers they quietly
kick them self believing they knew the answer
and stored somewhere for another day rarely
retrieved left unresolved for another late night
crossword puzzle session.
The late night crossword puzzle ninety
percent solved lying on the kitchen table with
clues un answered as tomorrow’s paper
has just been delivered with answers to
yesterday’s questions, that usually go unread.
http://www.princeton.edu/~distract/puzzles/crosswords/597.jpg
And on rare occasion, when the puzzler,
the solver reads yesterdays answers they quietly
kick them self believing they knew the answer
and stored somewhere for another day rarely
retrieved left unresolved for another late night
crossword puzzle session.
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Riding a Bike
I have never been a big fan of the riding my bike but recently I like the
freedom in doing it. I love going where ever I want to go and the sound of
the wind in my ears. The way the blue sky meets the green of the fir trees.
The way the legs burn when you decide to challenge a demanding hill.
And once again the phone does not ring.
It differs from team sports where a perfect throw also demands a catch on the other end.
riding a bike is not like that at all. Its just free form . An expression of ones self.
freedom in doing it. I love going where ever I want to go and the sound of
the wind in my ears. The way the blue sky meets the green of the fir trees.
The way the legs burn when you decide to challenge a demanding hill.
And once again the phone does not ring.
It differs from team sports where a perfect throw also demands a catch on the other end.
riding a bike is not like that at all. Its just free form . An expression of ones self.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Dear Mr. Potter
An Open Letter to the Mayor of Portland
Dear Mr. Potter;
In the state of Oregon we have a local income tax that is dependent on the ebb and flow of salaries, a robust economy and other factors we can not control. And with the expected fervor after 9/11 all money is being directed away from the vital programs such as schools and social services. That is another Pandora’s can of worms but the topic of this essay is not worms.
What any organization or working entity needs is a reliable and predictable way to rely on revenues.
We have all seen the Bumper Sticker that read loosely “It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber. “ Well with this plan there will be no more bake sales.
So here is the plan and it is pretty straight forward.
A Tax on Sex.
And there are many people who stop reading right at this line but this is not as radical an idea as one would think. I do not have the exact numbers worked out; numbers are something I can do well so for now I will just make some assumptions.
It is pretty simple, get rid of the Multnomah county tax immediately. We need to levy a tax every time a person has sex. For now I am going to go with a 3.00 tax each and every time you have sex.
Back of the Envelope Calculation
At first glance this number seemed way too low to me thinking that on the average people have sex on the average of 80 times a year (I am not footnoting this as I am making some assumptions) but then I realized I had forgot one basic fact. For this scenario, it takes 2 people to have sex. Solo acts are not taxed or we can hire some task force or some covert commission to figure that on out. So basically the average revenue collected would be about 500.00 per household.
Collection Method
This will basically be the honour system. I have tried talking to the people at Turbo Tax and H & R Block and they have not as yet included this into their software calculations. They are getting close. But basically the individual is required to just keep a general log of each time sex occurs between two people. At the end of the year just sum it up and multiply by 3.00. This is ironically very similar to the current collection process.
What Constitutes a Taxable Event?
A taxable event is defined as
Intercourse (Orgasm not required…Tips are appreciated)
Oral
Its seems obvious people will cheat
That’s funny that somebody might bring this point up as, I some how believe that people once in a while cheat on their income taxes. But this system works fairy well.
Basically, Multnomah County is a pretty progressive county that is full of law abiding, affluent, fairly liberal demographic. They are group of people who also think they are having sex a lot more than they are actually having sex.
The obvious Under Reporter - We have anticipated this scenario and we think we have this one under control. Let’s say somebody reports a 12 for a year. My assumption it’s going to be a macho- taxing hating, non school funding conservative who is most likely to do this. When he or she reports a big “12” on the bottom line, the cute clerk down at collections can query and ask a general question such as "EveryThing Working Okay".A few shuffles of the paper, an awkward glance and wry smile later, that will be adjusted upward.Joint returns with odd numbers reported are an egnimatic case and I am not touching this one as I am sure some bearacrat has come across this one before. (No pun intended) .
Stating the Obvious
Multnomah County is not exactly middle America. It’s the county where every body seems to like woman and but that should not be a problem as we have that covered in the section what constitutes a Taxable event. I realize there will be problems of couples filing separately who report different numbers, but I am pretty sure they may be in need of County Services any way.
In conclusion this is a simple, collectable tax, which is not dependent on the state of the economy. In a rush-rush world this is a no brainer that simplifies out lives and brings dependable revenue flows to the children of our state.
An Open Letter to the Mayor of Portland
Dear Mr. Potter;
In the state of Oregon we have a local income tax that is dependent on the ebb and flow of salaries, a robust economy and other factors we can not control. And with the expected fervor after 9/11 all money is being directed away from the vital programs such as schools and social services. That is another Pandora’s can of worms but the topic of this essay is not worms.
What any organization, or working entity needs is a reliable and predictable way to rely on revenues.
We have all seen the Bumper Sticker that read loosely “It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber. “ Well with this plan there will be no more bake sales.
So Here is the plan and it is pretty straight forward.
A Tax on Sex.
And there are many people who stop reading right at this line but this is not as radical an idea as one would think. I do not have the exact numbers worked out, numbers are something I can do well so for now I will just make some assumptions.
It is pretty simple, get rid of the Multnomah county tax immediately. We need to levy a tax every time a person has sex. For now I am going to go with a 3.00 tax each and every time you have sex.
Back of the Envelope Calculation
At first glance this number seemed way too low to me thinking that on the average people have sex on the average of 80 times a year (I am not footnoting this as I am making some assumptions) but then I realized I had forgot one basic fact. For this scenario, it takes 2 people to have sex. Solo acts are not taxed or we can hire some task force or some covert commission to figure that on out. So basically the average revenue collected would be about 500.00 per household.
Collection Method
This will basically be the honour system. I have tried talking to the people at Turbo Tax and H & R Block and they have not as yet included this into their software calculations. They are getting close. But basically the individual is required to just keep a general log of each time sex occurs between two people. At the end of the year just sum it up and multiply by 3.00. Very similar to the current collection process.
What Constitutes a Taxable Event
A taxable event is defined as
Intercourse (Orgasim not required…Tips are appreciated)
Oral
Its seems obvious people will cheat
That’s funny that somebody might bring this point up as, I some how believe that people once in a while cheat on their income taxes. But this system works fairy well.
Basically, Multnomah County is a pretty progressive county that is full of law abiding, affluent, fairly liberal demographic. They are group of people who also think they are having sex a lot more than they are actually having sex.
The obvious Under Reporter - We have anticipated this scenario and we think we have this one under control. Lets say somebody reports a 12 for a year. My assumption its going to be a macho- taxing hating, non school funding conservative who is most likely to do this. When he or she reports a big “12”
Dear Mr. Potter;
In the state of Oregon we have a local income tax that is dependent on the ebb and flow of salaries, a robust economy and other factors we can not control. And with the expected fervor after 9/11 all money is being directed away from the vital programs such as schools and social services. That is another Pandora’s can of worms but the topic of this essay is not worms.
What any organization or working entity needs is a reliable and predictable way to rely on revenues.
We have all seen the Bumper Sticker that read loosely “It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber. “ Well with this plan there will be no more bake sales.
So here is the plan and it is pretty straight forward.
A Tax on Sex.
And there are many people who stop reading right at this line but this is not as radical an idea as one would think. I do not have the exact numbers worked out; numbers are something I can do well so for now I will just make some assumptions.
It is pretty simple, get rid of the Multnomah county tax immediately. We need to levy a tax every time a person has sex. For now I am going to go with a 3.00 tax each and every time you have sex.
Back of the Envelope Calculation
At first glance this number seemed way too low to me thinking that on the average people have sex on the average of 80 times a year (I am not footnoting this as I am making some assumptions) but then I realized I had forgot one basic fact. For this scenario, it takes 2 people to have sex. Solo acts are not taxed or we can hire some task force or some covert commission to figure that on out. So basically the average revenue collected would be about 500.00 per household.
Collection Method
This will basically be the honour system. I have tried talking to the people at Turbo Tax and H & R Block and they have not as yet included this into their software calculations. They are getting close. But basically the individual is required to just keep a general log of each time sex occurs between two people. At the end of the year just sum it up and multiply by 3.00. This is ironically very similar to the current collection process.
What Constitutes a Taxable Event?
A taxable event is defined as
Intercourse (Orgasm not required…Tips are appreciated)
Oral
Its seems obvious people will cheat
That’s funny that somebody might bring this point up as, I some how believe that people once in a while cheat on their income taxes. But this system works fairy well.
Basically, Multnomah County is a pretty progressive county that is full of law abiding, affluent, fairly liberal demographic. They are group of people who also think they are having sex a lot more than they are actually having sex.
The obvious Under Reporter - We have anticipated this scenario and we think we have this one under control. Let’s say somebody reports a 12 for a year. My assumption it’s going to be a macho- taxing hating, non school funding conservative who is most likely to do this. When he or she reports a big “12” on the bottom line, the cute clerk down at collections can query and ask a general question such as "EveryThing Working Okay".A few shuffles of the paper, an awkward glance and wry smile later, that will be adjusted upward.Joint returns with odd numbers reported are an egnimatic case and I am not touching this one as I am sure some bearacrat has come across this one before. (No pun intended) .
Stating the Obvious
Multnomah County is not exactly middle America. It’s the county where every body seems to like woman and but that should not be a problem as we have that covered in the section what constitutes a Taxable event. I realize there will be problems of couples filing separately who report different numbers, but I am pretty sure they may be in need of County Services any way.
In conclusion this is a simple, collectable tax, which is not dependent on the state of the economy. In a rush-rush world this is a no brainer that simplifies out lives and brings dependable revenue flows to the children of our state.
An Open Letter to the Mayor of Portland
Dear Mr. Potter;
In the state of Oregon we have a local income tax that is dependent on the ebb and flow of salaries, a robust economy and other factors we can not control. And with the expected fervor after 9/11 all money is being directed away from the vital programs such as schools and social services. That is another Pandora’s can of worms but the topic of this essay is not worms.
What any organization, or working entity needs is a reliable and predictable way to rely on revenues.
We have all seen the Bumper Sticker that read loosely “It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the air force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber. “ Well with this plan there will be no more bake sales.
So Here is the plan and it is pretty straight forward.
A Tax on Sex.
And there are many people who stop reading right at this line but this is not as radical an idea as one would think. I do not have the exact numbers worked out, numbers are something I can do well so for now I will just make some assumptions.
It is pretty simple, get rid of the Multnomah county tax immediately. We need to levy a tax every time a person has sex. For now I am going to go with a 3.00 tax each and every time you have sex.
Back of the Envelope Calculation
At first glance this number seemed way too low to me thinking that on the average people have sex on the average of 80 times a year (I am not footnoting this as I am making some assumptions) but then I realized I had forgot one basic fact. For this scenario, it takes 2 people to have sex. Solo acts are not taxed or we can hire some task force or some covert commission to figure that on out. So basically the average revenue collected would be about 500.00 per household.
Collection Method
This will basically be the honour system. I have tried talking to the people at Turbo Tax and H & R Block and they have not as yet included this into their software calculations. They are getting close. But basically the individual is required to just keep a general log of each time sex occurs between two people. At the end of the year just sum it up and multiply by 3.00. Very similar to the current collection process.
What Constitutes a Taxable Event
A taxable event is defined as
Intercourse (Orgasim not required…Tips are appreciated)
Oral
Its seems obvious people will cheat
That’s funny that somebody might bring this point up as, I some how believe that people once in a while cheat on their income taxes. But this system works fairy well.
Basically, Multnomah County is a pretty progressive county that is full of law abiding, affluent, fairly liberal demographic. They are group of people who also think they are having sex a lot more than they are actually having sex.
The obvious Under Reporter - We have anticipated this scenario and we think we have this one under control. Lets say somebody reports a 12 for a year. My assumption its going to be a macho- taxing hating, non school funding conservative who is most likely to do this. When he or she reports a big “12”
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